The Second Coming of the Baby Jesus Shark

Published by PETA.
uncyclopedia / CC

A distressed female becomes pregnant—but she’s still a virgin! Grave danger ensues!

But no. I’m not talking about events in that Little Town of Bethlehem, circa 1 A.D. This happened just last year in Virginia Beach, practically next door to PETA’s Norfolk HQ.

In a study reported today, DNA testing confirmed that the embryo carried by Tidbit, a blacktip shark held captive at the Virginia Aquarium & Marine Science Center, contained no genetic material from a male. That’s right—a virgin conception, in our day and age. Holy mother of God … er … I mean … Holy Tidbit!

But wait, that’s not all. Tidbit’s pregnancy was only discovered when she died after being sedated for her annual health checkup—so there was no virgin birth, only an immaculate conception. The scientists who confirmed the nature of the pregnancy say that Tidbit’s pup would almost certainly have been eaten by bigger sharks in the same tank.

Now, those of you who frequent our site know that we’re not fans of aquariums and marine mammal prisons … uh, parks. But the above story pretty much says it all. These facilities claim to be helping and preserving marine animals, but they can’t even protect a newborn—or the adults, for that matter. In the end, perhaps Tidbit was the fortunate one. At least she no longer has to deal with the daily boredom and stress of her unnatural environment.

Ya know, when we first moved our headquarters to Norfolk, we ran a campaign against this particular aquarium because of its severely inadequate dolphin tanks (among other things). And it always just really frustrated me to know that there were these marine animals locked in a tank right across from the ocean.

Now the Jesus shark comes to this very aquarium and is dead before arrival. The irony is not lost on me!

Written by Jeff Mackey

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 Ingrid E. Newkirk

“Almost all of us grew up eating meat, wearing leather, and going to circuses and zoos. We never considered the impact of these actions on the animals involved. For whatever reason, you are now asking the question: Why should animals have rights?” READ MORE

— Ingrid E. Newkirk, PETA President and co-author of Animalkind