1. Cashews

Before vegan: Fun snack, usually salted and mixed with other nuts and highly caloric
After vegan: Cheese—creamy heaven put on the planet to make everything better after soaking and blending

2. Hummus

Before vegan: A delicious chickpea-based appetizer with origins in the Middle East
After vegan: A life source (BRB, gotta find something to slather in hummus.)

3. Sandwich Cookie

Before vegan: A sweet snack made of chocolate cookies with icing in the middle
After vegan: That thing that I always have in my pantry for when I get sad

Instant regret.

4. Kale

Before vegan: A dark, leafy vegetable frequently used as a salad bar decoration
After vegan: Smoothie base, potato chip substitute, and deliverer of all things iron and protein

5. BBQ

Before vegan: Burgers, hot dogs
After vegan: Burgers, hot dogs

6. Coconuts

Before vegan: Hairy, hard-shelled round things (they’re nuts, right?) found on tropical islands and commonly used as a bikini top at a luau
After vegan: Dental care, cooking, hydration, hair care, smoothies, soup … what can’t coconut do?

7. Nutritional Yeast

Before vegan: What?
After vegan: That thing I sprinkle on everything to make cheesy goodness appear from nowhere (and a source of vitamin B12)

8. Tofu

Before vegan: That white stuff I’d sometimes eat in Chinese food
After vegan: That white stuff I constantly eat in Chinese food

9. Gardein

Before vegan: Someone spelling the word “garden” incorrectly
After vegan: Frozen plant-based goodness that I will buy hundreds of pounds of this year

10. Beyond Meat

Before vegan: A description of meat from another planet
After vegan: The plant-based meat that will probably change the world

11. Cauliflower

Before vegan: Sort of like broccoli but not and something that happens to wrestlers’ ears
After vegan: Wings, hot wings

12. Vegan restaurant

Before vegan: “Yeah, sure, why not.”
After vegan: “OMG! PLEASE, CAN WE GO? I’M GONNA WAIT IN THE CAR. PLEASE—HURRY.”

13. French Fries

Before vegan: An occasional side dish
After vegan: An occasional main course

14. Bacon

Before vegan: Breakfast!
After vegan: Babe!

15. Vegetarian

Before vegan: “I want to go vegan—I just can’t give up cheese.”
After vegan: “Ugh … another person saying, ‘I can’t give up cheese.’ Good thing I discovered cashews!”

So now you know the meanings, but are you saying them correctly? There’s only one way to find out:

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