The following article was written by Jordan Kasteler.
Most of us talk to our dogs all the time, but our meaning sometimes gets lost in translation. For all the guardians who have ever had that head-in-your-hands moment when you wish you spoke perfect “canine,” the following are 10 things that we wish we could make our dogs understand:
1. “This is a tub full of soapy water, not acid.”
2. “You see the same postal carrier every day. He is bringing us letters, not letter bombs.”
3. “Yes, your puppy-dog eyes are very sweet. No, you cannot have chocolate.”
4. “The vacuum cleaner is my enemy, not yours.”
5. “I love to cuddle with you, too, but could we possibly do it with your butt facing the other direction?”
6. “I’m sorry, but cat poop just isn’t on the menu.”
7. “Yes, I see the dog in the other car. Yes, I still see the dog in the other car.”
8. “You have been inside the bathroom before. It’s not a black hole—I promise I will come back out.”
9. “Thanks! I was just thinking that these new dress pants would look better with drool on them.”
10. “I know going for walks is exciting. Just as exciting as it was yesterday … and the day before that … and the day before that.”
Try as we might to get through to our dogs, chances are that there are still going to be times when communication fails. But dogs understand more than we give them credit for. They can usually pick up more than 200 spoken human words without any instruction whatsoever. Case in point: Are there certain words that you sometimes have to spell in front of your dog, like “treat”? Or “walk”? Or your dog’s name?
Dogs do their best to get through to us, too, using language, facial expressions, and gestures. But we aren’t always as good as they are at understanding.
Perhaps if human beings were more fluent in our best friends’ language, we would understand that they don’t want to be chained, crated, yanked, choked or zapped by prong or shock collars, or left cooped up in the house all day without a potty break.
Better yet, if human beings were more fluent in all animals’ languages, maybe then we wouldn’t be so quick to use and abuse them for our own gain.