No, not that kind of stalker—they’re just creepy. Think celery stalks. The authors of a new book, Stay Young, have dubbed celery “vegetable Viagra,” after research has shown that it boosts men’s pheromone levels, making them more attractive to women, increasing libidos, and strengthening climaxes. Of course, that’s hardly news to us. PETA has been touting the aphrodisiac qualities of vegan food for ages—we even beat them to the “Veggie Viagra” line.
So remember, guys, if you want to score big in the bedroom, lettuce help you make the switch to a vegan diet. Whether you’re into firm melons or long stems, you won’t leek prematurely or artichoke when the big moment comes. You’ll be pumpkin with confidence, but ladies, ignore his corny lines, and just ask, “Is that a celery stalk in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”*
Written by Jeff Mackey
*I wasn’t sure it would happen, but I’m all punned out. Can you think of any good ones that I missed?