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Our friends at PETA Europe are fed up with how “culling animals” is hailed as a solution to so-called population “crises.” The latest proposal comes from Scotland, where plans are in place to conduct a £1.3 million cull (read “mass slaughter”) of the gray squirrel population. To satisfy everyone’s needs—both the Scots’ and the squirrels’—PETA Europe has come up with a humane alternative.
Squirrel underpants.
The idea for the teeny-tiny tighty-whities wasn’t PETA Europe’s—the kudos goes to the Squirrel Underpants Company. But PETA Europe is urgently calling for squirrel lovers everywhere to help it purchase thousands of pairs of those pants, which are specially made to fit squirrels, so that the mischievous little creatures will find it exceedingly difficult, if not impossible, to mate. Call them chastity pants, if you so wish.
Gray squirrels were introduced to the U.K. from the U.S. in the 19th century and have since been blamed for decimating the population of native red squirrels. But, in actuality, deforestation, epidemic diseases and harsh winters have all had an effect on red squirrels’ numbers (not to mention hunters, who, let’s face it, were killing them for bounties long before gray squirrels even arrived in Britain).
“The idea of exterminating millions of friendly and adaptable bushy-tailed squirrels is madness,” says PETA Europe Director Robbie LeBlanc. “We want Americans also to help buy squirrel underwear and so stave off a Scottish attack on these little animals, as, after all, this is the peaceful solution to a problem that they created!” Mee-oww!
Written by Shawna Flavell
