You had to see this coming. No sooner did A-Rod fess up to taking performance-enhancing drugs in 2003 than we began thinking that the Yankees third baseman should prove that he is committed to being drug-free by—you guessed it—going vegetarian.
“A-Roid” may have voluntarily doped up to enhance his performance, but cows, pigs, turkeys, and chickens are pumped full of growth-promoting drugs in an effort to make them grow fatter faster and to ward off the diseases that are rampant in the cramped, filthy conditions on today’s factory farms. Humans, in turn, ingest the drugs when they eat the animals’ flesh—no injections required. Therefore, if A-Rod wants to be truly drug-free, then he’ll certainly want to listen to our advice.
Written by Alisa Mullins