George Clooney, He’s What’s for Dinner

Published by PETA.
babble / CC
George Clooney

We just received possibly one of our oddest donation offers to date: George Clooney’s sweat, apparently soaked up by a towel taken from a Washington, D.C., gym. I’ll give you a moment to take that in.

We must admit that George is a handsome man, so it was hard for me to overcome the temptation to just sit in a corner and fondle the towel until the end of time, but we learned that there is technology that can convert perspiration into a flavoring! Now, we’re always looking out for new ways to spice up our tofu, so we decided we’d see about mixing up a little George Clooney–flavored tofu—”CloFu”—for supper. We wrote to Clooney to see if he finds this idea as amusing as I do.

How does this work? Well, it involves gas chromatography and mass spectrometry, but here’s one easy way: Researchers have used a panel of trained individuals with sensitive noses to pinpoint unique components in any individual’s odor. Once the odors have been identified, the right combination of flavors can be synthetically replicated, infused in bean curd, and voilà! CloFu.

Some people don’t try tofu because they expect it to taste bland, but we know it can absorb any taste—so CloFu could make your taste buds and your heart melt. Of course, what’s even better is that after everyone gets a piece of George and realizes how delicious tofu truly is, diets will be revolutionized.

Written by Liz Graffeo

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“Almost all of us grew up eating meat, wearing leather, and going to circuses and zoos. We never considered the impact of these actions on the animals involved. For whatever reason, you are now asking the question: Why should animals have rights?” READ MORE

— Ingrid E. Newkirk, PETA President and co-author of Animalkind