“We are sorry to hear about your injury. We tried to help you and the donkeys. Please tell us that you understand now.”
I thought that was pretty nice of us, under the circumstances. Here’s the back story: Whiteford Agricultural Schools’ superintendent Craig Haugen is receiving a bouquet of flowers from PETA after breaking his arm in a donkey basketball game. PETA had contacted Haugen more than a week before the game, pointing out the cruelty and dangers that go along with these ridiculous events and citing incidents where people have seriously hurt themselves during games. But Mr. Haugen ignored the letter and actually went on TV to say that the game would go on and that he saw nothing wrong with it. Anyway, after we heard he broke his arm, there were just so many possibilities … but apparently my boss Ingrid has this whole big thing about “being compassionate,” so he got flowers and a note and that was it. So there you have it. Enjoy your flowers, Craig, and at least read our letter this time—it’ll do you good.