Animals are not ours to eat, wear, experiment on, use for entertainment, or abuse in any other way.

Wash. Times Columnist Gene Mueller Is So Mad at Us

Written by PETA | April 3, 2007
Sour Grapes.jpg
Sour Grapes?

Like, he’s really, really pissed off. It all started a couple of years ago with an April Fools joke PETA did where we pretended that some scientists in Louisiana had discovered genetic evidence of the link between hunting and unusually small penis size. Gene, who’s the Outdoors columnist for The Washington Times, was taken in by the prank and, since he’s one of those people who gets a big kick out of killing animals himself, he got uppity as hell about the whole thing. Unfortunately for Gene, it was all about to get a lot funnier, since we pitched the story about his angry reaction to Howard Kurtz, the media editor at rival newspaper The Washington Post, who loved it and ran this little piece (scroll down to the bottom) about it in his column, essentially calling ol’ Gene out for being a bad sport—and a dupe, to boot.

Fast-forward to two years later, and Gene is still really effing mad at PETA. Some impish soul in our Communications department dug up his e-mail address yesterday to send him a link to our latest April Fools prank on hunters and ask if he’d be interested in running a story about it. Here’s Gene’s response:

“I wouldn’t waste one gram of printer’s ink publishing your drivel about the April Fool’s joke. You people need to lay on a psychiatrist’s couch and pour your beleaguered hearts out; then go and eat a wonderful medium-rare venison steak with sauted onions and mushrooms.
-Gene Mueller, Washington Times”

Aw Gene, honey, you’re still a very grumpy little hunter over that small penis joke, aren’t you?

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  • Joyce says:

    You mean it’s not true? I thought having a small penis was a requirement for the license..

  • Kelly says:

    PETA’s work will go unappreciated especially by me if you continue childish arguments such as these.

  • Lucy says:

    Mr. Mueller you understand nothing. You must think.

  • Eden says:

    I think that he may be mad because the connection between hunting and having a small penis is true.

  • Stephanie Smith says:

    I am a clinical psychologist and would like to address Mr. Mueller’s comment that these PETA members should “lay sic on a psychiatrist’s couch”. Actually research has shown a link between cruelty to animals whether it be in the form of hunting or other forms and other antisocial behavior such as firesetting rape assault and murder of humans. I can only imagine that Mr. Mueller did not do his homework regarding the human psyche before posting the above comment. Stephanie Smith MS LLP

  • cheryl gustafson says:

    I just can’t bare it anymore and because I happened upon this blog and I happened to see this again today this is where I’ll vent. If I see one more cattle crowded truck taking these lovely animals to be slaughtered I’m gonna crack. It’s an eyesore. It makes me cry and it itsn’t fair to see these poor animals poking their noses out the cramped cubby holes for a breath of probably their last fresh air! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! What can be done.

  • JESSICA says:

    Too damn funny. What an insecure jerk. I think you guys must have struck a cord in him to be so defensive. He apparently must have small gonads. I really need to eat venison…why didnt I think of that? Oh yeah because I DON’T EAT MEAT!!! What a hillbilly!

  • Cere says:

    Hey! I live in the deep north of Wisconsin too . . . I know how it is. To all people who tell me “If we aren’t supposed to eat animals why are they made of meat?” I reply with “If we aren’t supposed to eat humans why are they made of meat?”

  • Alambra says:

    The ‘gentleman’ doth protest too much! Is Mr Mueller by any chance being foultempered because he’s been publically fooled thus feels somewhat humiliated? By the way I’m no psychologist but his reference to the psychiatrist’s couch simply indicates that therapy is on his mind! And as a journalist myself I have to wonder why he signs his name accompanied by the title of the newspaper he gets paid to work for as if that should function to improve his image and words as someone of any importance or prestige. Should we take it that the whole of The Washington Post is also keen to ridicule PETA and anyone who respects the lives of animals enough to not want to eat them? Does that respectable paper really approve of being spoken for by this man?

  • Chicken Grrl says:

    It’s bad enough that he’s a bad sport who hunts but this man who’s a columnist in a majormarket newspaper apparently doesn’t know the difference between “lie” and “lay”! Yikes.

  • Tedd says:

    That is so funny! Hunting murder isn’t necessary it’s just a way for these people to release their frustration over small penis’. lol! All joking aside killing is not something society should be praising it’s totally wrong much less writing about it in mainstream papers. It’s a wonder why we have such a huge problem keeping up with the prison population. People like them teach killing of innocent beings.

  • K says:

    LOL! I thought this was hilarious! And those faces are so funny!

  • Caroline says:

    I couldn’t stop laughing I think I literally laughed my heart out reading the entire story. Lord! if any such pranks would make demons like him stop abusing animals then its worth it. Go peta!!! Caroline

  • Lauren says:

    Mr. Mueller is certainly welcome to his opinion but why must he treat a noble cause with sarcasm and disgust? As a journalist at the Washington Post I am certain that Mr. Mueller is intelligent enough to know that the exploitation of animals is cruel but mostlikely lacks the willpower to adapt a crueltyfree lifestyle. Instead of criticizing PETA I suggest that Mr. Mueller browse the website and learn about the myriad issues facing animals and the good work we do to stop it before penning such a hatefilled article about the PETA family next time.

  • Veronica says:

    I live in the deep north of Wisconsin. The hunting practice up here is intense. I mean school was called off for the first few days of hunting season. And growing up being surrounded by this ignorant brutality has taught me that the people most insecure about themselves are the ones who pride themselves with their ability to mindlessly pull a trigger and kill an innocent animal. I guess this lack of security could also be associated with a lack of bulge to put it politely. So the next time you see one of those meateating guys decked out in stupid orange propped up behind the wheel of a giant truck with an NRA bumper sticker plastered on the back take pity on the guy. He is truly a sad creature of this society.

  • Canaduck says:

    What a big baby. Yes every veganvegetarian just desperately needs meatwhat a hilarious and original idea. I know I sure miss eating corpses. Hey Gene if you need any other jokes try “if animals aren’t meant to be eaten why are they made of meat?” We’ve only heard that one about five billion times so it’s still relatively fresh. Those sauteed onions and mushrooms sound pretty good though.

  • kelly says:

    What newspaper would hire an uneducated piece of trash like this? This guy makes journalists looke like feebleminded hillbillies. I have to say I am shocked. He does not even use proper English!