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The Second Coming of the Baby Jesus Shark

Written by PETA | October 10, 2008
uncyclopedia / CC

A distressed female becomes pregnant—but she’s still a virgin! Grave danger ensues!

But no. I’m not talking about events in that Little Town of Bethlehem, circa 1 A.D. This happened just last year in Virginia Beach, practically next door to PETA’s Norfolk HQ.

In a study reported today, DNA testing confirmed that the embryo carried by Tidbit, a blacktip shark held captive at the Virginia Aquarium & Marine Science Center, contained no genetic material from a male. That’s right—a virgin conception, in our day and age. Holy mother of God … er … I mean … Holy Tidbit!

But wait, that’s not all. Tidbit’s pregnancy was only discovered when she died after being sedated for her annual health checkup—so there was no virgin birth, only an immaculate conception. The scientists who confirmed the nature of the pregnancy say that Tidbit’s pup would almost certainly have been eaten by bigger sharks in the same tank.

Now, those of you who frequent our site know that we’re not fans of aquariums and marine mammal prisons … uh, parks. But the above story pretty much says it all. These facilities claim to be helping and preserving marine animals, but they can’t even protect a newborn—or the adults, for that matter. In the end, perhaps Tidbit was the fortunate one. At least she no longer has to deal with the daily boredom and stress of her unnatural environment.

Ya know, when we first moved our headquarters to Norfolk, we ran a campaign against this particular aquarium because of its severely inadequate dolphin tanks (among other things). And it always just really frustrated me to know that there were these marine animals locked in a tank right across from the ocean.

Now the Jesus shark comes to this very aquarium and is dead before arrival. The irony is not lost on me!

Written by Jeff Mackey

Commenting is closed.
  • brandie says:

    Let’s not get carried away by using the name Jesus to refer to any of the creatures mentioned above. These places charge enough for admission that they could take better care of the animals. So what does PETA do about those places in Mexico that let people ride on dolphins and charge $300person?

  • Ben Y. says:

    Relax as the shark just died for our shark related sins and will come back when we look in its tomb a few days later. At the right fin of its father……yeah I had to go there. Either way RIP Jesus Shark.

  • lynda downie says:

    So whose green hand is that on Mary’s bosom? lol Ok I know icons are symbolic just found that funny. No offense meant.

  • Mike Quinoa says:

    Nice blog Elaine. You have an interesting link that features a counter showing how many animals are killed for food since one opens the webpage httpwww.notquiteright.nettvg

  • NT says:

    We were just at Epcot Disneyworld and went on the “Finding Nemo” ride. We thought it would be cute but to our surprise it was cruel. As you ride on the “oysters” you see glass walls with real dolphins inside! Needless to say we were all so sad to see such magnificent creatures being used as props for a stupid park ride and condemned to a life behind bars that we decided to go back to the hotel. So much for the “magic” of Disney. They won’t be seeing our faces any time soon…

  • Elaine Vigneault says:

    This was a great read right before I head out to watch Religulous.

  • Maureen says:

    Aquariums big or small are nothing less than prisons for the innocent!