This year, in response to the gobbledygook that is offered on Butterball’s Thanksgiving hotline (tips for stuffing a murdered bird? No, thank you!), you’ll never guess who is greeting 1-888-VEG-FOOD callers and asking folks to pardon all turkeys from the horrible fate of being Thanksgiving dinner. A clue? He’s “decided” to give the birds a break.
Each year, the president “pardons” two turkeys, who used to be sent to, ahem, Frying Pan Park in Fairfax County, Virginia. Well, instead of letting two overblown, overgrown birds get a few months to hobble around on painful legs, here’s an idea: Go meat-free! Of all the tough decisions boggling the Executive-brain, this one should be the easiest to make. The weapons of mass defeathering are well-documented, and are known as shackles, scalding tanks, and blade machines. Check out the words of wisdom:
So, a word to those who would celebrate Thanksgiving with a dead centerpiece: Why not try one of these life-affirming, tasty recipes instead? Or how about a faux turkey? Or a vegan Wellington of mass deliciousness? Yep, healthy, vegetarian Thanksgiving fare abounds, and the turkeys needn’t be the only ones doing the gobbling.
Written by Charlotte Gordon