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Absurd Questions People Ask

 

At times throughout my pregnancy, I considered getting a signboard to wear around my neck with the following information: 1) end of July 2) boy 3) I haven’t told my mother what I’m naming my child, so I’m probably not going to tell you either.

Also, I swear to you, if one more person asks me how I’m feeling, I’m going to start telling the truth. And do you think the truth is pretty? It’s not. (Hint: It’s July, in Norfolk, and I’m carrying around a furnace that displaces my internal organs.)

For the most part, people probably mean well and I should be nicer, but there are two questions that I’ve been asked that make me want to spew fire. So please pay attention—these are my final answers:

1) No, I’m not getting rid of my dogs when the baby is born. I know I can be abrasive, but am I an evil, cold-hearted witch? I’d like to think not. Clyde and Emma are our canine children—our responsibilities—and we love them dearly. When we adopted them, it was for better or for worse—for as long as they live—and what in the world would make me think that it’s OK to go back on that promise? People who give away their animals piss me off. If you’re not prepared to make a 20-year commitment to Fluffy or Fido, don’t bother taking them home in the first place, you selfish jerk.

2) Yes, I’ll be raising my kid on a vegan diet. It’s weird, ’cause no one really questions whether I’ll be taking him to church every Sunday. Hello! Not eating animals is kind of an ethical cornerstone for Giehl and me—you know, because eating animals contributes to horrific cruelty, my own poor health (someday I’ll post fat pictures, but not today), and global warming. Did I mention that I’m carrying a furnace in my belly? Please, for the love of all that’s holy, help lower the planet’s temperature, thanks. It’s a scary world to bring a kid into—the least I can do is ensure that he’s got the moral and spiritual foundations to leave it in a better state than it was when he arrived. Are we clear? Good.

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  • christel says:

    I think you just gave the sex of your baby away at the end. or your just unconsciously adhereing to linguistic conditioning where every body is a “he”. nice article though and im glad your kids will be raised veg.

  • tabbycats-tofu says:

    The worst has GOT to be, as they touch your belly, “can I feel it?” yes, you WOULD want a total stranger feeling you….oh my god.

  • B says:

    I think you are a bit harsh. Regarding the questions when are you due, how are you feeling, etc., people are just being nice.
    Lighten up!

  • randi fair says:

    i forgot to add my favorite absurd comment I got which is, “Better get in all the sleep you can now!!”

    what am I, a bear? am I gonna hibernate for three months and store up sleep then tap into its reserves when I need? no. go away, a**face.

  • Jenny says:

    Congratulations on the pregnancy!!

    I must say – you are a god-send!! What a joy it is to hear someone who knows their companion animals are their children too. A promise made should be a promise kept! Just as you said!

    I believe strongly that children who live in a home shared by animals as part of the family, learn compassion, caring, unselfishness and love on a very different level! My husband and I are in the “planning” stages for a family, but bringing a child into our home, does not put our fur-babies in second or last place. It is a shared existence, and we are all equal and family. There is more than enough love in our home to go around to all!

    On a personal note, I was extremely distraught to hear from a relative of mine who does not feel this way. Evil witch! Of course I grilled her big time – and will keep at it – or will adopt their cat into our flock of love. I can’t stand people who are like this!!! I will definitely be sharing this article with them.

    Thank you for your beautiful and candid words Sarah! You are so refreshingly honest!

  • ian says:

    I love that you wrote this! My wife and I just moved to NC from NY and for some reason HERE everyone I meet asks if we have kids. I respond the same way every time. “Well, sort of. We have two dogs.” Then the response they give, EVERY TIME, kills me. “Oh, well wait until you have kids, that will all change.” Why the hell does it have to change? We didn’t adopt our dogs b/c it was a temporary thing until we find something better. We love them to death and it’s a life long promise we made when adopting them. They are irreplaceable.

    Best of luck with your pregnancey!

  • randi fair says:

    I had no idea, Sarah! Congrats! having a vegan baby is easy. Breastfeeding is the cheapest and easiest eay to start. we are doing cloth diapers too and i make all of Brooks’ food. you should get a baby food cookbook from amazon or something.

    ack! im so excited.

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