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‘Slither’ Me Timbers! There’re Snakes in This Here Duck Blind

Written by PETA | April 1, 2009
greglasley / CC
Western Cottonmouth

While the Western cottonmouth usually preys on small warm-blooded animals, this spring, during mating season, these venomous snakes may be going after a different type of quarry: small-minded, cold-blooded Missouri duck hunters.

Rumor has it that water blinds (duck hunters’ huts that are camouflaged to look like the water) in Oregon, Howell, Carter, Pulaski, Phelps, Wayne, Pemiscot, Mississippi, Scott, and Stoddard counties have been sprayed with the pheromones of female cottonmouths. The pheromones, taken from excrement evacuated from the cottonmouth’s cloacal chamber, are guaranteed to attract aggressive males looking for some tail. I’m not a herpetologist, but I’m guessing that these randy reptiles are going to be pretty ticked-off when their booty call turns out to be a couple of dudes dressed like bushes.

So how can duck hunters avoid being bitten or, God forbid, part of a coital coil? We suggest that they hang up hunting and consider taking up golf or baseball instead. If they don’t, then I agree with my friend and PETA’s waterfowl specialist Hans Offdemall when he says, “PETA opposes gun violence, so when a 250-pound man hides on the water so that he can blow to pieces one of a bonded pair of 1-pound birds, we think that he should get a taste of his own medicine.”

Written by Amy Elizabeth

Commenting is closed.
  • Conservationist258 says:

    All PETA members need to wake up and get a life! Humans were created to eat meat from the animals that God provided us with. Spend your efforts on something worthwhile such as stopping human on human violence or curing cancer!

  • robert brown says:

    Interesting project. It occures to me that without some honest introspective evaluation of our motives…”we” may become what we “detest”. Hypocricy easily will void our otherwise valid arguments.

  • Sarah says:

    You people are VILE. Hunters who are human being deserve to die for hunting? Your logic is so backwards. Human Duck. I love animals but human life is infinitely more precious. Hunting is necessary to keep populations under control. Without it many animals would starve to death.

  • Mike Peterson says:

    I would guess most of the hunters encountering a cottonmouth in thier blind will use the quickest removal method at handf i.e a shotgun blast. Isnt this whole deal just going to cause the deaths of many inicent snakes?

  • Thoughtful dissenter says:

    The author suggest taking up golf or baseball. Doesn’t this promote the killing of cows for the leather used in baseball mitts and the outer portion of the balls? Wierd…

  • N/A says:

    I think promoting the injuring of hunters is a dangerous practiceas I think it would be even worse to accidentally kill a livingbreathing human being due to painful death by cottonmouth venom then any alternative.Those ducks may have bonded pairs and hunting may be cruelbut killing a hunter who may fave a family to help support is out of th question.

  • Kevin says:

    Dear PETA Duck season starts in November and ends in February. Snakes mate in the late spring. There will be no hunters in the blinds when the snakes are out. Your plan is not quite as clever as you thought. Love Kevin

  • jon says:

    Dangerous for the snakes and humans and counter productive to any activist movement.

  • Pete says:

    Well considering that there isn’t a duck hunting season until fall after the snakes mating season and that it is so cold that I find it hard to believe that snakes are going to be on the move that much anyway i find the story farfetched.

  • anonymous says:

    Does anyone else think that promoting the killing of hunters is not really any better than promoting hunting?

  • Chad says:

    I really hope that this really isn’t true…Duck season is long over by the time mating season is upon the snakes. These snakes are going to go into these blinds and not be able to get out and ultimately starve to death. Hopefully for the snakes its just a bad thought out april fools joke article.

  • Korea says:

    Isnt that illegal? Traspassing? If I was a duck hunter and found someone putting cottonmouth atractants on my blind I would shoot them. I hope this is just a rumor and nothing else because it will be peta members getting hurt and not hunters.

  • chris says:

    Someone could get seriously hurt due to this… Not a good idea if you ask me.

  • anonymous says:

    clever idea but i hope the excrement was willingly donated by said cottonmouths.

  • Brien Comerford says:

    Hunters are extremely cruel and inhumane and they perpetuate society’s murder epidemic via crusading for the further legalization of more firearms.