TV viewers who enjoy keeping down their dinner can rejoice—Sarah Palin's Alaska will not be returning for a second season. Why? Yosemite Sarah isn't saying, but we have a few theories: 

1)      Bristol Palin wants to spend more time working on her spinoff, Real Housewives of Wasilla.  
2)      Sarah exhausted her repertoire of ways to kill animals. Even Angela Lansbury couldn't write that much murder into a show.
3)      Clinton Kelly said she was so 2008.
4)      Season one editors still aren't finished cutting out every scene in which she said "maverick."
5)      Alaskan animals have all fled to Russia, although Sarah reports, "I can still see them from my house."

Written by Michelle Sherrow

Former first lady Barbara Bush raised eyebrows recently when she told Larry King that she hopes Sarah Palin stays in Alaska. But considering what Sarah and her daughter Bristol do in Alaska, we're not sure that's such a great idea either.

This gruesome scene of Bristol and Sarah clubbing a halibut to death took place during the second episode of Sarah Palin's Alaska, in which they visited the city of Homer for a mother-daughter day of commercial halibut fishing. "It felt awesome gettin' some aggression out," Bristol said about clubbing the fish.

Gee, is this how most mothers and daughters bond? My mom and I just made cookies …

Written by Paula Moore

Even though Bristol Palin will be shaking her moneymaker all over the Dancing With the Stars stage this fall, she can't seem to stop talking about how she'll be wearing the "most modest outfits" on the show. Now, proving that the nut doesn't fall far from the tree, Bristol is following in the blood-soaked footsteps of her grisly mama, Sarah—who never met an animal she didn't want to kill (or so she would have us believe)—by insisting that the show's costumers cover her stretch marks with massive amounts of fur.

OK, Bristol—first of all, despite all your supposed concern for your modesty, everyone knows that when Levi said, "If you loved me, you would," you gave it up faster than your mama gave up the governorship. So, honey, that tacky cruise ship has sailed. And covering yourself with animal pelts is not only immodest, it's also obscene. Luckily, PETA has confirmed that no real fur will be used on Dancing With the Stars.

Know of any other folks who don't "get it" about fur? You might want to keep some of these handy.

Written by Jeff Mackey

With all the buzz about the guest appearance by Bristol Palin—whose unplanned pregnancy sparked controversy during her mother's 2008 vice-presidential campaign—on the July 5 episode of ABC Family's The Secret Life of The American Teenager (a show all about teenage sex and pregnancy), what better time for PETA to bust out our notorious "Sex Talk" ad?

For those of you who somehow missed the ad's previous high-profile airings, it draws the parallel between negligent people who won't spay or neuter their animal companions and parents who take a cavalier attitude toward pregnancy in a chat with their daughter:

So while we ask ABC Family to run the ad during Monday's Secret Life, will you please show it to everyone you know who has not spayed or neutered their animal companion or who might be contemplating breeding their dog? The ad is also a great way to promote conscientious attitudes among teens—and parents—by encouraging them to act responsibly and help all members of the family avoid unplanned pregnancies.

Written by Jeff Mackey

farm2 / CC

Ah, the Palins. One endless reservoir of public mishaps and cavalier insensitivity toward animals. They provide all the cathartic benefits of reality TV, minus the guilt of feeling shallow, since it's on CNN.

Well, in an effort to help safeguard the innocence of youth against merciless animal slaughter, we've sent the newest addition to the Palin clan an adorable care package of compassionate goodies. Sarah's first grandchild Tripp will receive an assortment of cute animal-friendly kid gear, and his young mom Bristol will receive Ingrid's new book, One Can Make a Difference, as well as her classic 50 Awesome Ways Kids Can Help Animals.

Seeing as the little guy probably won't be learning any empathetic values from his aerial-hunting grandparents, we're hoping our small effort will help light the way toward a more conscientious path. And with his pedigree, we think he'll need all the assistance he can get! Click here to read our full letter to Bristol Palin.

For those of you who are still too repulsed at the thought of this family's heartless ways to share in our goodwill toward them just yet, we've got something in our bag for you too. Trot on over to our latest holiday video game. In it you can hurl virtual snowballs at a certain bikini-clad, gun-toting maverick. Enjoy!

Written by Missy Lane