Send In the (Killer) Clown

Last year’s McDonald’s Thanksgiving Parade in Chicago was chock-full of behemoth balloon characters and live entertainment (was that the cast of Jersey Boys I saw serenading their way down State Street?), but something was missing …

Wait, I know! Where was the killer clown? Considering that McDonald’s refuses to adopt controlled-atmosphere killing (CAK)—the less cruel slaughter method that would spare birds from having their throats cut while they’re still conscious and from being scalded alive—no parade sponsored by the fast-food fiend would be complete without a bloodstained float full of terrified birds being butchered by “Raging Ronnie,” the grand marshal of gore. That’s why we recently submitted a request to sponsor the following float in this year’s parade:

This float idea? I’m totally lovin’ it. No word yet on what the parade organizers think. While we’re waiting for an answer, tell us about an animal rights–themed float that you would like to see in a major parade …

Written by Amy Elizabeth