With all this happy talk about Pam and Ingrid’s birthday, I totally forgot to mention the fact that today is the very day, 21 years ago, that Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen were spawned. I figured that this would be an appropriate place for a tribute, so here goes:
Mary Kate and Ashley began their careers playing the nauseating baby on Full House and went on to be nauseating in their own right as the no-talent fur hags who are always ready to be the butt of a joke when the gossip press is looking for a punchline. In 2006, Ashley reached the pinnacle of her career by being singled out on PETA’s annual Worst Dressed List with the comment: “Wearing fur does add 20 pounds, but if Ashley wants to fill out her frame, we suggest using a fork instead.” Inspired by Ashley’s achievement and, as usual, completely failing to grasp the point, the twins are condemning a new generation of animals to death this year for their aptly titled fashion label, The Row. Now that the terrible twins have finally reached the legal drinking age, the world is waiting with bated breath to see what they’ll do next. Happy Birthday, the Olsen Twins. You guys really freak me out.