The City of Brotherly Fug

The folks at totalbeauty.com have released their roundup of “Eight Cities With the Ugliest Guys.” Hagerstown, Maryland, “scored” second place on the list, which cited lackluster libidos, flabulousness, and puny IQs, among other factors.

Axe, schmaxe. PETA’s got the cure for homely Hagerstown residents:

Men who go vegan gain instant sex appeal. How so?

1. Veggie Viagra ring any bells?
2. Their extra cushioning melts away—vegans weigh 10 to 20 pounds less, on average, than their meat- and cheese-munching counterparts.
3. They’re smart to avoid heart disease, cancer, diabetes, and other ailments that have been linked to meat consumption.
4. They radiate compassion because they no longer eat the flesh of abused animals.

To the men of Hagerstown: Take the “Pledge to Be Veg.” You’ll be saying, “Bye bye, Haggardtown” and “Hello, Handsomeland!” before you know it.

Written by Karin Bennett