Nikki Glaser Makes SeaWorld the Punchline at Its Own Annual Meeting

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3 min read

PETA friend Nikki Glaser, known for her biting wit and fearless commentary, is set to bring her sharp humor to a new stage: SeaWorld’s annual meeting. But this time, the punchline isn’t for laughs—it’s a serious call for change.

On June 13, Nikki will pose a question that doesn’t cut corners and dives into SeaWorld’s horrific sexual abuse of animals. Here’s the uncensored version:

My name is Nikki Glaser, and I have a question on behalf of PETA.

I’m sure you’ve noticed the uptick in comedians making jokes referencing Sea World in the past ten years. I actually just referenced you guys last month in my latest special. In case you didn’t see it, the joke I told was about how I am experiencing vaginal dryness lately. I said that I longed for my 20s when I was quote “constantly wet” end quote. Then I said it’s because in my 20s I worked at Sea World and animal cruelty turns me on. I’m sure you’re not laughing, but I will tell you the audience there that night really enjoyed it and the reason they laughed was because what I said is true. Everyone knows what you’re up to over there. We know that you force dolphins and whales to live and die in your tiny tragic tanks when they’re meant for something as expansive and brilliant as the ocean. 

I don’t think all of you are bad people. I bet you love animals and deep down you know that what you do is wrong, but you’re blinded by the profit you make off of people who come to see your shows who don’t yet know the truth. But they will know it eventually. And they’ll stop coming. I can’t wait for when they do, but until then, you have the chance to do the right thing by the animals you claim to love so much. Please, for the love of god, stop imprisoning and forcibly impregnating dolphins and whales and sentencing them to a miserable fate. I’d love to leave your company out of my jokes therefore allowing me to  focus on the other pressing humanitarian issues: like my vaginal dryness.

Documentaries like Blackfish have exposed marine parks’ abuse of animals, leading to a public outcry as hundreds of thousands of families and individuals choose not to support it. Yet SeaWorld continues its sordid dolphin- and whale-breeding program, which includes masturbating male dolphins, forcibly impregnating female dolphins (often under sedation), and using female beluga whales as breeding machines. These perverse practices result in generations of dolphins and whales being imprisoned far from their natural habitats. In the ocean, these intelligent animals form complex social structures, travel vast distances, and engage in natural behavior that marine parks simply can’t accommodate.

PETA has proposed alternatives to sentencing these animals to a lifetime of misery in these abusement parks, such as releasing them to seaside sanctuaries, where they could live in a naturalistic, enriching environment while still receiving the care they need. These sanctuaries would provide both a degree of freedom for the animals and an opportunity to educate the public.

Take Action Now

Your voice can help make a difference. Join Nikki and PETA today by signing the petition demanding that SeaWorld end its forced breeding of dolphins and whales and release these animals into seaside sanctuaries, where they could enjoy healthier, more natural lives:

Tell SeaWorld to End Its Breeding Program!
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