PETA Solves Trenton’s TP Problem

Update: Trenton Mayor Tony Mack has accepted PETA’s offer to “TP” city hall and other government buildings in Trenton, saying in a news release, “I am pleased that an organization that stands against animal cruelty is willing to cross over and invest in a fundamental issue in our community.” No problem, Mayor Mack—we’re happy to be able to help get Trenton out of this sticky situation.

Trenton, New Jersey, has a going growing problem. A budget stalemate has prevented the city from approving a $42,573 paper-products purchase, and supplies are running low. Trenton will likely run out of toilet paper for its government buildings next week, so we’re rolling out our solution. We’ve offered to send Trenton a 6-month supply of toilet paper that is so decorative the rolls won’t need Jonathan Adler–designed covers.

This bathroom reading material could keep Trentonians clean in more ways than one. By going vegan, city employees would avoid ingesting the feces, vomit, and bacteria that contaminates much meat.

I can’t think of a better reason to skip to the loo.