We know the beef industry isn't averse to a little sleight of hand (pink slime, anyone?). So, you would think the cowpokes could take a good-natured April Fools' Day prank.

It All Started With a Joke …

On April Fools' Day 2010 (yes, two whole years ago), PETA published a blog post saying that we had been funding scientists who were genetically engineering rats to have fluffy rabbit tails. The idea was that by altering rats to be more in keeping with people's ideas of "cute and cuddly," we could usher in a rat renaissance of sorts, encouraging people to be kinder to our besieged, bald-tailed brethren.

… Then the Beef Industry Got Wind

Recently, an intrepid food-industry writer found said April Fools joke, thought it was real, and wrote an outraged article for Drovers CattleNetwork blasting PETA, rats, rabbits, and, oh yeah, cane toads and pigs (but not cows, conveniently) for good measure.

(c) iStockphoto.com | Josiah Jost

Mr. Food Industry also waged such a scare campaign against rats that it made me wonder if he might work for d-CON. He actually cited the Black Death, a plague that is several hundred years removed from modern-day scourges like, say, E. coli and for which rats are no longer blamed.

What Does That Have to Do With Beef, Anyway?

One has to wonder how many of the beef industry's tall tales about cow "welfare," "healthy" beef, and the industry's impact on the planet he has also swallowed hook, line, and fluffy tail.

When PETA's "bovine" campaigner for cow causes got wind of a Missouri Cattlemen's Association convention in Columbia, Missouri, she rounded up some friends and hoofed it to the site. 

The "cow" took to the stage at the coronation of the Beef Queen, then marched across the room with her "Meat Is Murder" sign to ask the attendees to give cows the royal treatment instead—by not slaughtering them for food.  As a cowboy herded the "cow" to the exit, supportive people in the crowd booed her unceremonious removal.

Say "boo" to beef!

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Creekstone Farms, a large U.S. distributor of beef, is recalling 14,000 pounds of meat because of possible E. coli contamination. An inspector found bacteria in the beef, prompting the USDA to warn of a "reasonable probability that the use of the product will cause serious, adverse health consequences or death." Where the infected beef ended up isn't clear, since it could have been repackaged for individual sale and sold under different brand names.

E. coli can cause vomiting, stomach cramps, internal bleeding, and kidney failure. Yum! And a recent study shows that animals raised for food carry highly drug-resistant forms of E. coli because of farms' overuse of antibiotics. The E. coli then gets passed on to humans who eat the animals' flesh. It gives new meaning to the term "Big Mac attack," doesn't it?

Want to avoid E. coli–infected burgers? Why not give veggie burgers a try? Unless you're a fan of kidney failure, and then, by all means ...

Written by Michelle Sherrow

A California woman is suing Taco Bell after discovering that her beefy fast-food fixes are only 35 percent cow flesh. The other 65 percent is made up of oats, yeast, soybeans, corn starch, and various seasonings, all of which make the meat leaner and, dare we assume, less disgusting.

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Considering how much gross stuff is often found in ground beef (saturated fat, cholesterol, hormones, antibiotics, E. coli, etc.) one would think that would be grounds for a lawsuit, not the other 65 percent.

Since Taco Bell's "beef" is already mostly vegan, why not go all the way? "One hundred percent cruelty-free" has a nice ring to it, don't you think?

Written by Michelle Sherrow

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The United Nations' foremost agriculture expert recently predicted that only rich people will be able to afford beef in 2050 because the production costs of raising cows will make it as costly as caviar.

Let's hope that it's not too late to save the environment by then.

Of course, since animals pay the biggest price when people eat meat, all caring people—wealthy or otherwise—should opt for mock meats and other vegan foods now and in the future!

Written by Heather Moore

Yes, it is, according to an audit conducted by the U.S. Department of Agriculture's Office of Inspector General, which reveals that beef containing dangerous pesticides, antibiotics, heavy metals, and other toxins is showing up on supermarket shelves because the government has neither set limits for the chemicals nor is it routinely testing for them. Perhaps they think that people will just buy the stuff regardless!

Potentially toxic substances that can be found in meat include arsenic; flunixin, an anti-inflammatory drug that can cause stomach ulcers, intestinal bleeding, and kidney necrosis; and antibiotics such as penicillin, which can cause life-threatening reactions in people who are allergic and also contribute to the development of deadly antibiotic-resistant bacteria.

These unregulated chemicals and drugs are just the toxic icing, if you will, on a beefcake that is already loaded with artery-clogging saturated fat and cholesterol and is often contaminated with deadly bacteria such as E. coli and salmonella.

Sounds like a good time to mosey on over to VegCooking.com and check out some savory seitan recipes, doesn't it? For your family's sake?

Thanks to PETA Files reader Laura for sending this story our way

Written by Alisa Mullins

So you've probably heard that the Dallas-Forth Worth International Airport (DFW) is having financial problems. And what is PETA if not a helping hand? We've asked the airport if they'd be so inclined as to sell advertisements in their bathrooms, and if so, we're first in line! While folks are busy evacuating (and forgive me, but we're not talking hurricane routes here), they could read about the benefits of a vegan diet, ensuring them less stuffed-up feeling (and we're not talking about a summer cold) and much happier insides (not to mention a happier environment and a longer life). Check out our suggested ad below:

Here's our letter to the DFW CEO. Let us know what you think.

Written by Christine Doré