PETA Offers to Defray Costs of Flattening Suggestively Shaped Bollards in Return for Ads About Vegan Virulence
Scott Township Can Use Opportunity to Give Male Residents a Boost
For Immediate Release:
October 3, 2013
Allison Lakomski 202-483-7382
Pittsburgh — If you’ve driven along Carothers and Finley avenues in the Glendale section of Scott Township lately, you might understand why the phallus-shaped concrete posts, called “bollards,” are getting a rise out of residents. In fact, displeasure with the barriers is running so high that some people are reportedly referring to one street as “Penis Road,” and township officials are talking about flattening the posts’ domed tops to make them a little less controversial. Enter PETA, which has sent a letter to Scott Township Manager Denise Fitzgerald with an offer: PETA will help offset the costs of flattening the domed tops in exchange for placing ads on the posts prior to their remodeling that address the connection between eating meat, eggs, and dairy products and the incidence of male impotence. The ads would read, “Here’s a Tip: Go Vegan to Beat Impotence.” PETA points out that the cholesterol and high amounts of saturated fat found in animal products can slow the flow of blood to all the body’s organs, not just the heart. A copy of the ad can be viewed here.
“We’re offering to help Scott Township make the bollards less bothersome while promoting what’s basically the vegan alternative to Viagra,” says Alicia Woempner, PETA special projects manager. “Anti-impotence drugs may increase your staying power, but a vegan diet can increase that and your life span.”
For more information, please visit PETA.org.
PETA’s letter to Scott Township Manager Denise Fitzgerald follows.
October 3, 2013
Denise H. Fitzgerald
1 page via fax: 412-276-0953
Dear Ms. Fitzgerald,
I am writing on behalf of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals and our more than 3 million members and supporters worldwide, including thousands across Pennsylvania. We’ve heard that some residents have a bone to pick with the recently installed bollards in the Glendale area, which they feel closely resemble male genitalia. In order to help cover the costs of flattening the tips of the pillars that are causing such a rise with some residents, we would like to pay to place pro-vegan, anti-impotence ads on the bollards, which would read, “Here’s a tip: Go vegan to beat impotence! PETA.”
Here’s why: Vegans are far less likely than meat-eaters to suffer from heart disease, diabetes, and obesity, each of which is a major cause of erectile dysfunction. And by avoiding the cholesterol and saturated animal fat found in meat, dairy products, and eggs, men can keep blood flowing to all their organs.
Not only do vegans protect their own lives through their healthy diet, each vegan also saves the lives of more than 100 animals a year. The hard fact is that eating meat, eggs, and dairy products contributes to enormous animal suffering. Cattle and pigs are commonly castrated without painkillers, chickens are turkeys have their throats slit while they are still conscious, and fish are left to slowly suffocate or are cut open while they’re still alive.
Accepting our proposition would be a win-win situation. It would help Scott Township pay to modify and keep the bollards as well as let local men know that giving meat the shaft increases their chances of staying healthy for the long haul.
Executive Vice President