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Sprain Your Ankle? It’s Deer Penis to the Rescue!

Written by PETA | July 31, 2008
olimpiadasbeijing2008 / CC
Carl Lewis, the Olympiad of the Century, is vegetarian (and therefore never consumed deer penis) and he did quite well, so we think this new generation will be OK too. However …
Carl Lewis

Olympic athletes in Beijing are being advised not to use traditional methods to heal injuries because they may contain some herbal substances that are banned. Darn. If you were an Olympic athlete, wouldn’t the first thing you’d go for be deer penis? Because deer penis is apparently magical and can heal injuries. But you must—according to Wang Cheng, an expert in traditional medicine—first mix it with some alcohol and take it every day or two. If only I had known back in third grade when I tripped on the balance beam and broke my arm, I would have said, “Mom, go get me some deer penis and alcohol.”

If you are not an Olympic athlete, you can still head on over to Beijing to take in the full glory of human athleticism. And while there, you can stop by Guolizhuang and get yourself some ox, donkey, and sheep penises (as well as deer penises, of course—I didn’t mean to leave those out).

And if you feel like dropping a cool $500, you can also get some Canadian seal penises. You mean we can bash their heads in, skin them for their fur, AND pay $500 to eat their penises?!?! Penis: It’s what’s for dinner.

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  • Axel says:

    Meh this may seem laughable but people used to laugh at the concept of putting digitalis in your tea. Foxglove was a fatal poison but it helps your heart. People used to laugh at the idea of chewing a leaf helping with pain but so many do. Perhaps there is some chemical in the animal’s penis that provides some aid to healing? Perhaps not? I don’t know I’ve not done studies. A doubleblind medical study would be an excellent way to find out. Of course I don’t understand the outrage really. These animals are dead already from being slaughtered for food their genitals just go to waste in the majority of the Western world so why is this a big deal?

  • erika says:

    okay…that’s so fcking nasty….

  • Island says:

    Oh god. As if hunting them to eat and skin wasn’t enough. I’m a soon to be vegetarians I’m becoming one when I leave the house. Now we can hunt them down for their privates because apparently they can’t use normal medicine. And you have to use alcohol?! I wouldn’t do it if it was the end of the world.

  • Barbara says:

    Sorry when I think of a hot sex machine the image of a Chinese peasant munching on deer penis does NOT come to mind. They’re such innovative people can’t they come up with a MANmade cure for their sexual inadequacies? Hell I bet Viagra already has a factory over there already maybe they could make the little blue pill into the shape of a deer penis?

  • Steph says:

    When I was in the military in Korea they had puppies for sale in meat markets. I was so upset when I couldn’t buy one to keep as a pet lived on base no pets that I was actually vegetarian for the whole time I was there I ate eggs because I was terrified I would accidentally eat dog.

  • Todd says:

    Here taste a little of this penis. Feeling better?

  • ATHENA C. HOGUE says:

    OK I don’t want to sound disrespectful to the Chinese in general but my God where did they come up with all this absolute crap?! They use animal parts to make the men more virile…they also impose the one child policy in certain parts and economies of China…does that mean the men don’t really need animal body parts that they’re actually “virile” enough since they’re able to perform well enough to go beyond creating one child? Maybe it pertains to the older guys…are Chinese men really so “unable” in that department that they have to kill animals endangered animals at that and use their body parts so they can have sex?! I think they need to do a major study and find out just what is wrong with Chinese men that they are facing impotence without animal parts to help them along the way. I find these men and their line of thinking to be absolutely laughable…maybe they should try doing without the animals maybe they’ll find that they’re not so bad at performing after all…wonder if they’ve ever even tried… just horrible.

  • sarah says:

    honestly i laughed when i saw the title but when i actualy read the whole story im disucsted! wow.. id hate to be a male animal!

  • Denise says:

    Wow. For one thing I am Chinese and a vegetarian and I have taken herbal medicine before with just herbs and plants no animal parts but I have never heard of using animal genitals to “heal”…. I really don’t think this is part of traditional medicine….it’s just whack.

  • Carla says:

    Okay everybody all together now… “BOYCOTT THE OLYMPICS”!!! No matter how much I love to watch sports I promise you that T.V. is OUT THE DOOR!!! Shame on them!! For even breeding such UNcompassionate people!!

  • r says:

    It is still amazing and bizarre that the Olympic committee were so out of touch with reality to the real China to have even considered and awarded the most barbaric country on the face of the planet the Olympic games. And to think that all of a sudden somehow by osmosis their dark side would disappear and voila no more mid evil medicine man practices using innocent animals. WELL not so… Shame again on the Olympic committee and the world for not boycotting this event. Thats what needed to be done.

  • ian says:

    Haha…did you write this for The Onion? Not to make light of the situation it’s terrible but this is worse than putting your arms in the air when you are choking.

  • Tasha says:

    Thats really discusting.Who would actully belivve that. OmG!

  • Daniella says:

    Don’t get me wrong I love penis… but this is ridiculous!

  • Jan Graveson says:

    It sickens me this whole animal body parts. Traditional Chinese medicine is and should be around herbs and plants these supply cures and ease for all human needs.I have seen the BERA BILE FARMS in Chinas and when I did I vomitted. Poor bears stuck in teeny cages they can’t even move in for up to 25 years and milked from a 7 inch CATHETER in the abdomens on a daily basis. This is appalling and needs to be stopped. Please see animals asia foundation website for more info and help support Jill Robinson’s campaign in China AAF. Apart from anything else these parts can not be healthy for us. The bears I saw were sick maimed and had bitten their own selves in a desperated attempt to cope with their dirty horrid conditions. IT ALL NEEDS TO BE STOPPEDPEOPLE URGE PEOPLE NOT TO BUY THESE THINGS. If there is no market for it they will have to stop.

  • Tatiana Torres says:

    Wow! thats wired! But I would not use ’cause wouldnt it hurt the deer?!

  • lynda downie says:

    Sorry Beijingyou got it wrong the penis only works if it’s on the deer! You should know that Wang!

  • Bogdan says:

    So…the Chinese are THAT much behind the civilized world.

  • Youngen says:

    ….Whats the matter with people? Wheres the boundary?

  • Beckw says:

    A tasteless article.

  • Jennifer Parker says:

    Yuck! I’d rather eat dirt!

  • Sarah says:

    I have to say that I agree with animal parts not being very good medicine. I have yet to see any wellfounded studies proving that assertion versus the numerous studies pointing to specific plants being very beneficial.

  • Mike Quinoa says:

    “When you believe in things that you don’t understand Then you suffer Superstition ain’t the way.” Stevie Wonder. Now “dear” penis would make more sense.

  • Tabitha says:

    OMG BBR I JUST CAUGHT THAT! FYI for those like me researching it check out a picture of the Chinese mushrooms they’re also selling. I actually thought that had a box of human ears.

  • Supermodel4u305 says:

    Thats disgusting

  • Monika says:

    Wow.. That’s not even… Wow.

  • BBR says:

    So the traditional medicine expert’s name Wang Cheng fits accordingly. How odd to use anythings penis to help heal the body.