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PETA’s Prescription for Presidential Polyps

Written by PETA | July 27, 2007
Aramnaharaim/Creative Commons

With that subject line you may be expecting a punch line here, but I’m under strict orders to play this one straight. Apparently, the “First Colon” is not to be joked about . . . So, no snickering.

Anyway, I’m sure you all heard that President Bush had five polyps removed from his colon during his colonoscopy at Camp David on Saturday. And although the growths were benign, PETA VP Bruce Friedrich fired off a letter pointing out that according to leading health and medical professionals, eating a diet based on meat and other animal products significantly raises a person’s risk for colon cancer. And since we’re so sure the president will be going vegetarian any day now, we also offered to dispatch a gourmet vegan chef to train the current White House cooking staff in preparing delicious and healthful vegan meals.

Surprisingly, we haven’t heard back from good ‘ol Dubya yet. Must just be some rare White House mixup . . . Anyway, here’s the letter we sent.


Commenting is closed.
  • Debbie says:

    This guy is to stupid to go vegan. But then again so am I. Meat is to eat. I wouldn’t and won’t go vegan that’s just nuts. Having animals as pets are a good thing. I have two teacup yorkies. Have had them for 10 years. They are my best friends. They have been great therapy for when feeling ill. Animals keep peoples spirits up. I don’t agree with beating an animal just to do it no way. But when it comes to food cows chickens pigs all the way to alligator tail is quite delicious. Personally I think PETA takes things way to far. Eating meat has been a part of survival since mankind began. So eat up.

  • Maya says:

    Hi Michelle! Yes I didn’t mean to criticize the letter but writing to the White House is very very very very lofty. How many letters do you think they get a day? There’s no way Bush will even hear about this or respond to it in a positive way. And I should have mentioned Jean Jaques Cousteau had already been invited to the White House by a Hawaiian Senator with whom he was friends. But MY GOD BUSH CREATED A MARINE SANCTUARY!! Environmentalists were rubbing their eyes in disbelief for months after that. This was nothing short of a miracle. And PETA is trying to do just that create miracles. So they should study what Cousteau did. I’m not trying to bash PETA. I wish them all the success in the world and I just wish they would diversify a bit. But they are one heck of a lot more successful than I am so I say love and support to PETA.

  • Michele says:

    Maya I’m a Texan and converted. As usual a few PETA members “sideline” the subject matter and distract. This letter should be praised as it is composed in the only style corporate executives understand. Overwhelming kudo’s about “them” with a mild dose of thought for a little tune up in their perfect life. One annoying little bug planted in an ear can work wonders. With my heavy heart for animals I learn to study the style of these letters. Perhaps after I break everything in my house and let the anger go I may be able to write a letter that somebody in control will read.

  • melanie says:

    you know i am a big animal rights person but i also am very pro bush so right now we all need to join together to stop the dog fighting save the insults for the dogfighters it will go a lot further

  • matt says:

    u r all stupid.i gig and many other things.and when i pput a 3006 bullet throught there head they dont feel it.meat is good

  • william says:

    you guys have got to be the biggest assholes ever. bush is into cattle i don’t think he will go with you punk bitches and go vegan. good luck with that.

  • Kathleen Nason says:

    With dribble coming from both orifices how did the doctors know which one to examine? The letter is indeed good though it will fall on deaf and I’m sorry but ‘dumb’ ears.

  • Mark says:

    Maybe next PETA could investigate the persistent stories of Dick Cheney eating babies under the full moon.

  • Maya says:

    I was gonna say “yeah that Texas boy is gonna go vegan. Good luck with that”. But this is the president that JeanJaques Cousteau convinced to create the largest marine sanctuary in US history. I read an interview with Cousteau about how he convinced Bush to do so. Facinating. PETA should look that one up. If Cousteau can turn Bush into a temporary enviornmentalist we can all learn from him.

  • Tamara says:

    ok…I’ll say it…”after the doctors were done with surgery they put his head back up his ass”… Actually that’s paraphrased from David Letterman’s monologue the other night…gotta give credit where credit is due Nice of ya’ll to send the letter though…

  • Sacred Cause says:

    This is a great idea proposing a vegan diet should always be welcomed by everyone who wishes to remain in good health! So let’s hope the best!