PETA Offers to Help Massachusetts Students Shed Pounds

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report card

The ritual of report card day has struck fear into the hearts of children for generations. As though bringing your grades home for mom and dad to sign weren’t enough to dread, Massachusetts students have yet another report to start worrying about. The state’s Public Health Council recently decided to institute a mandatory survey of each student’s body mass index—based on measurements of height and weight—with the intention of sending the results home along with a plan for how parents can help their kids combat weight issues. Kind of embarrassing, but childhood obesity is no joking matter.

In support of the Health Council’s action, we’re proposing a plan to Dr. Alan Ingram, the superintendant of Springfield Public Schools, that is sure to have every kid passing their weight screenings with flying colors and trim waistlines. We’ve offered to hire a top vegan chef to help the cafeteria staff create first-class, meat-free meals that kids will love, to donate a “Vegetarian Starter Kit” for every kid in the district, and to provide health and nutrition teachers with a curriculum designed to educate them about the benefits of vegetarian eating. After all, the best way that these schools can help their students achieve and maintain a healthy weight is to drop the chicken nuggets and fish sticks in lieu of some real brain food: nutritious, delicious vegetarian meals.

Written by Liz Graffeo

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