Animals are not ours to eat, wear, experiment on, use for entertainment, or abuse in any other way.

PETA Launches Victimless Nuggets

Written by PETA | April 1, 2008

We’re debuting our very first branded food product today, and, being PETA, we figured we’d do something that would make a bit of a splash. We’re launching Newkirk Nuggets™ (patent pending), a cutting edge (and surprisingly delicious) animal-meat alternative created by cloning cells from an upper arm biopsy of PETA President Ingrid Newkirk who is “100% free range, grain fed, white meat.” It’ll be a little while before these bad boys appear in grocery stores, but we’re planning to generate some buzz about the new product by handing out free samples outside KFC restaurants here in Virginia, in the hopes that fast-food lovers with a taste for flesh will choose our “100 Percent Human(e) Alternative” instead of chowing down on the tortured remains of chickens inside a KFC. As Ingrid says, “They say everything tastes like chicken, and now so do I.”

The breakthrough has been in the making for 11 years in laboratories spread across three countries, working to grow animal tissue with the taste, texture and, most difficult of all, the “skin depth” or muscle mass of fish and chicken. According to the experts: “The tissue was taken from Ingrid’s upper arm and cultured in a “nutrient soup” of mushrooms, human collagen and soy broth to form myoblasts. The myoblasts reproduce rapidly to form ¾-inch-thick sheets of what PETA calls “100 per cent victimless meat.”

I know, it sounds a wee bit gross at first, but I suspect that anyone who really knows how meat is processed will welcome this safe, humane, and tasty alternative. Check it out:

Newkirk_Nuggets.jpg

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  • Simon says:

    Yep I also thing it is silly as hell. Even if they do research the product and make sure it is safe for human consumption, the freaky idea of cannibalism would not sit right with both normal consumers and especially not with people with silly spiritual beliefs. Although I myself would eat it so I don’t have to eat animals ;) I need meat

  • Natalie Wagner says:

    This is, in my opinion, not a good idea. I have been a strict vegetarian for 35 years now. I regularly eat Nuggets made from cereals. They are excellent. Why use human cells? It could backfire, as you do not know what is in your genes and what your family (like everybody’s family) has carried over for centuries without knowing about it.

  • Amber says:

    Ummm.. I’ll stick to morning star thanks. OH COME ON! If it isnt ok to eat chickens what makes it ok to eat human cells!??

  • lea says:

    I hope this is real cause I can’t wait to try them please please please can it be true please!!!!! Lea

  • Lotus says:

    The ‘skin tissure’ part put me off But these people spent over a decade researching endlessly and Newkirk was willing to pay for the price of animal rights in blood. Yes I will definitely get some as soon as they hit Hong Kong.But I’m leaving the human flesh part for my mom to find out herself. Like she even listens if I told her.

  • Molly says:

    oh wow I thought this was REAL until I looked at the comments but good April Fools prank you really REALLY had me going!!!

  • Craig says:

    Lol god this is creepy kind of freaked me out at first till I learned it was a joke. I honestly am having problems becoming a vegetarian so if they brought something out like this obviously not from human cells and of course humane it wouldn’t be a bad idea.

  • ken says:

    ewww i didn’t get it at first now i do.. lol.. good job!

  • dimos says:

    Ha! Good one. As I kept reading I felt all my values in life crashing down…hmmm…its kinda spooky isnt it? Good one though gotta say…Good job everyone on the Gucciseal fur matter!

  • Angela says:

    lol look at the date? it was an april fools joke? and a damn funny one! although I’d love to see you guys actually feed some fatty at kcf a humane nugget and then tell them they just ate part of a people

  • lynda downie says:

    Well put Derek as always!

  • HannaBanana says:

    Haha… I just placed my order that should last me through the rest of 2008.

  • emily says:

    why the hell would this be a joke?

  • Derek says:

    Since there is very little difference in muscle fibers of different species which constitutes “meat” one could easily understand the confusion regarding this well done April Fool’s joke. Cannibalism is merely a variation of carnivorism and has been practiced by many cultures throughout history including a few in “modern” times. There is no ethical argument for eating meat…end of discussion.

  • Hayle says:

    Is that not bordering on cannibalism??

  • Will DeJaungo says:

    It’s made out of People!!!! Humane? Humanely killed humans thats what it says. So PETA finally admits to hating people.

  • lynda downie says:

    You kinda had me going there for awhile til I got to the mushrooms and soy broth! I forgot it was April Fools Day. But seriously it’s just conditioning that makes us not wince at the idea of eating animal flesh in the same way we do at the thought of eating Ingrid’s flesh.

  • Phobosblack says:

    I’ve always been a big fan of April Fools day and am pretty good at spotting pranks…but this one actually had me going for a few seconds. Well played.

  • Sonia says:

    I’m so relieved that this is an April fools joke I was feeling more with every word I read.

  • W. Scott says:

    What a PITI People for the Inethical Treatment of Ingrid.

  • Lenore says:

    Too bad it’s a joke. I would dig into some tasty human flesh anyday!

  • Mike Quinoa says:

    Good one PETA! Love the packaging design. LOL

  • Maya, CVT says:

    Catherine it doesn’t surprise me. Do you know in vet tech school we were shown catalogues where you can buy lab mice. Talk about little shop of horrors you could buy mice that had been induced with all kinds of cancers diabetes genetic disorders it was just like any catalog you would buy from. It was when a lab “scientist” visited our class. She was soooo proud of this thing and acted like it was so cool that we could buy these poor poor frankencritters. Hideous the things they come up with.

  • Maya, CVT says:

    Mmmm…I can’t wait to um try that… Just don’t tell me about the sauce that comes with it

  • Dr.Breen says:

    so now cannibalism is possible?

  • Dr.Breen says:

    Oo

  • Cali says:

    eewwww

  • Beth Freeman says:

    That’s really funny! They look yummy but I couldn’t bring myself to eat cloned human turned into nuggets. I like the name Newkirk Nuggets though. If you can find a nonhuman source and market I’d buy them.

  • Catherine says:

    Good one! Happy April Fools’ Day! On a serious note did anyone see that article about animalderived drugs in The New York Times today? And I quote “A herd of superpigs is being bred by scientists at the Mayo Clinic. The N.I.H. is helping finance the Mayo effort…The hope is that those pigs and their offspring may provide a variety of useful parts including entire pig hearts for human transplant as an alternative to human hearts that are in short supply.” That is no joke for humans and especially for pigs. What about all of the perfectly good human body parts that end up six feet under in $10000 caskets because people don’t become organ donors? Keep up the great work Jack everyone at PETA.

  • Karen says:

    Yeah um….April Fools? Please? Right? I mean it has to be right?? Right??? Otherwise ew.

  • Jay says:

    April Fool’s!!!

  • Glen Venezio says:

    Happy April Fools Day to Ingrid! You are much loved Ingrid for your contributions which are helping turn the tide towards a more compassionate society.

  • Michele says:

    Good one! tee hee

  • erin says:

    You guys are so funny…..good one!!! Happy April Fools Day fellow veggies…..Erin

  • BullyDawg says:

    Let me guess… April Fool?

  • Holly says:

    Interesting but no thanks. I have been eating vegetarianvegan long enough not to want to try this.and it does sound sort of gross to me. But interesting and it may take off with meat eaters who want to go vegetarianvegan but miss the meat too much or dont know how to live with out it. Some may want to eat it because its a novelty to eat a part of Ingrid. I think it may sell better if it was cloned Chicken or Fish. I say if you can find the market for it and it saves animals Great! Just not for me.

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