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Multiple Stab Wounds May Shorten Life Expectancy

Written by PETA | July 25, 2007

PETA Files reader Dave Cortright passed this hilarious Onion video on to me and I just had to share.

Study: Multiple Stab Wounds May Be Harmful To Monkeys

The sad thing is that animal experiments just as absurd as this fictional one still take place. Take smoking/nicotine experiments, for example. We know that smoking is harmful to human health; we don’t need to shove animals into inhalation chambers or dose pregnant rats with huge amounts of nicotine to confirm it. There are countless examples like this, but this was supposed to be a lighthearted entry, so I’ll stop now . . .

Anyway, if you haven’t seen Testing 1, 2, 3 yet, give it a look and let me know what you think.

Commenting is closed.
  • Jason says:

    The Title of the Video ways its not real so does the paragraph under it. Yet posters still believe it is real. Sad… sad that people are just so… so stupid… cries

  • Margarita Cisne says:

    All the stuff that happens to the animals is really horrible. But I am doing my part and I bought the video Earthlings narrated by Joaquin Phoenix which by the way I haven’t seen it and don’t plan to it is too heartbreaking I imagine. And I presented it at a local library and now I am loaning it to people that I know and I am converting people to vegetarianism.

  • Michele says:

    Gabriella that’s not very nice saying that Brianna is stupid. She did not realize it was a fictional video but that’s probably because she is very passionate about animals and she got caught up in the emotional aspect of it all. It does not help the “cause” if you alienate the “good guys”. Thank you Brianna for your frequent proanimal posts on this blog site I really enjoy what you have to say.

  • rojo says:

    yes gab some people are easily influenced by lies. I guess she’s so used to being fed propaganda reality becomes a blur.

  • Gabriella says:

    WoW BullyDawg you are SO much more tolerant than I am! Obviously Brianna has no idea what the hell is going on pretty obvious she did think the video was real … Actually she’s so stupid I think the other side can have her … LOL

  • Maliacoco says:

    That is sick why didn’t they try it out on a adult human and a baby human they had no right to stab those poor animals for no reason at all

  • Kathy Garrey says:

    OMG I thought this was real also and I can’t even tell you how badly I wanted to kick that lady’s butt!!

  • DTS says:

    Yeah perhaps it is not very clear in this post the The Onion is a FICTIONAL newspapernews station. They do satirical pieces. Please do not think that this is an actual story.

  • ruthie says:


  • keith says:

    Well you only had to look at that so called evil female to see why she enjoyed that pointless experiment. Perhaps some day she may be stabbed punched or boiled to death. or all three at once. LETS HOPE SO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • DailyVegEditor says:

    God I love the onion.

  • BullyDawg says:

    Um Brianna…you DO know that the Onion News is satire right? Nonetheless in a humorous way it DOES illustrate how totally pointless and useless animal testing is! Sorry…you just seemed so sincere in your post I was afraid you took the clip too seriously!

  • shadowfax says:

    i didn’t look the video because i know what’s going on! because after i can’t sleep! it is so awful shameful horrible what the human being does to animals and still there are creatures blogging here that peta has to get alive! i ask these miserable creatures where they have let their heart! i have a brochure at home showing vivisectors at work. if they are sooooo scientific why are they mocking and laughing about the suffering of these poor creatures and why they are letting them in the dirt! for god’s sake folk wake up! is this here planet earth or a planet of master killers and forsaken idiots!?!?!

  • Brianna Fritchey says:

    Oh… My… God… I think is one of the most awful things I’ve ever seen… I mean REALLY? Being stabbed punched bludgeoned or boiled could be bad for you? How do those “researchers” live with themselves? Do they go home to their children at night and say “Guess what I did today? I stabbed a pregnant monkey nine times! You know you really shouldn’t wear black it makes you look unfriendly.” This is absolutely unbelievable… and did you see that woman’s face? She actually thinks that we didn’t know being stabbed is bad for you! And she shows absolutely no emotion whatsoever when talking about it! And the reporter too! At least now we know exactly what our taxdollars are going to support! That clip should be sent to every news station in the entire world and everyone involved in the study should be ashamed!

  • marie deluca says:

    if animals systems are so different from ours what is the point. Take the convicted pyscho criminals on death row who do not give a damn about life at all.