Killing Bambi Might Kill Your Mojo

A new CNN article warning hunters against overexertion has renewed our most genuine concern over the sadly impaired genitalia of hunters. It seems the lack of sportsmanship involved in hunting (i.e., lounging around like couch potatoes with sophisticated weaponry for the short-lived murderous thrill of killing a defenseless creature) can be very exerting. Apparently, there’s a huge adrenaline spike when Bambi is caught in the crosshairs. This has doctors worried that such bloodlust—coupled with clogged arteries—could “trigger a heart attack or even potentially worse a lethal heart rhythm disturbance.” The poor dears! (Read: fortunate “deer”?)

But let’s get this straight: Clogged arteries restrict blood flow to organs, and this can lead to organ malfunction. Oh my—so I guess that means that blood flow would be hindered to all organs—which means that any major/male organ could begin to malfunction. Yep, I think you smell what I’m steppin’ in … the bizarre and common connection between animal abuse and impotence. You heard it here first folks. So please, protect yourselves, protect your children: Quit huntin’ and go vegan!

Written by Missy Lane