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Gag? No Gag? Do Scientists Torture for the Heck of It?

Written by PETA | August 3, 2010
Rama / CC by 2.0 France
Mouse

The Onion—in a 2004 article that was recently re-posted on the front page of the gag mag’s website—says scientists torture mice just for laughs. This “report” is so cleverly written that when I sent it to Kathy Guillermo, PETA’s vice president of laboratory investigations, she had “palpitations,” as she put it.

Sorry, Kathy, didn’t mean to trick you into thinking that vivisectors had finally come clean and admitted that mice aren’t good stand-ins for humans. But wouldn’t it be great if they really were as refreshingly honest as this “researcher”?

“For years, I’ve used lab mice to research cell breakdown in living tissue—and I’ve been lucky enough to make some pretty important medical advancements along the way,” said researcher Ellen Gresham of the Harvard Institute for Advanced Studies. “But even if there were no scientific benefit to the work I do, I’d still experiment on mice, just to watch them suffer.”

“The truth is, mice are particularly ill-suited for our tissue study,” Gresham added. “We could construct a computer model that would yield more accurate results, but we don’t care.”

While Ellen Gresham is a figment of The Onion‘s imagination, the fact that modern, high-tech alternatives to experiments on animals are faster, cheaper, and more accurate is very real. In fact, one more such test, EpiDerm, was just approved last week by the international Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development. While we’re on the subject, why not drop a line to your congressional representative reminding him or her of that?

Written by Alisa Mullins

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  • maureen says:

    I see you have found the blog I was referring to since our last discussion in “news flash Mice are being stressed by laboratory cages”Blog….I do hope you read what I said in the last blog but it seems to me that you constantly trip yourself up you not only BLASTED Ocean’s in the blog “turn a smile upside down” for mentioning alternate nonanimal testing you are talking out of both sides of your face1.Last blog ” mice are stressed by laboratory cages” you stated and I QUOTE” Doesn’t it seem odd that even badand or fruitless nonanimal research is glorified despite the fact that it is JUST AS MUCH A WASTE OF TAX DOLLARS?” and 2. When I stated again and again about doing the same experiments again and again only to get the same results you go on to say in this blog and I QUOTE” Everything has to be validated before the scientific community will accept that it’s better than a model THAT’S ALREADY BEEN EXTENSIVELY RESEARCHED” now how MANY MORE animals will have to suffer before it becomes apparent to you that the same tests you are doing have already been done for the scientific community you are in will accept it doesn’t work????? As you can see you are not a popular guest in some of these sites.And YES Kalama I do believe scientists and researchers alike do torture animals 1. for not getting the results wanted and 2. to add INSULT to INJURY. you are making it seem that it does not go on and you know it does you are right about 1 thing we do not hear about scientists that are serial killers but there are plenty that marry diseases to form bigger new and improved wider spread disease killers we do not hear about them because they are being PAID to do this kind of stuff.Look at how intelligent Ted Colinsky was “The Unibomber” Could it be he was just as sick of the research that is going on as the rest of the world is and he was just one to snap? Or the scientist that quit her job for not wanting monkeys radiated? Before you say that I am taking you out of text you really should reread some of your statements. And I agree with all the statements made by AlexK and Christiana Collins Rev.Meg saidyou know there is truth to what is being said you just turn a blind eye to it so instead of blasting everyone with your know it all attitude maybe it is time for you to lighten up and do some listening instead of all the talking…..Blah blah blah

  • Kalama Halamezad says:

    So Christina exactly how many serial killers were scientists who conducted animal research? Naturally some places aren’t so stellar but your “pictures” aren’t exactly prolific when you consider that there are thousands of institutions that conduct animal research every single day and as such a few hours of footage collected over the last fifty years isn’t exactly representative of the general state of things. “mrs. scientistbut not wanting to come out” Huh? I’ve mentioned many times on posts here that I’m a neuroscientist. Try sticking with the facts.

  • CHRISTIANA COLLIS says:

    KAMAL LET US NOT FORGET THAT ANIMAL CRUELTY IS ANIMAL CRUELTY DON’T TRY TO PUT ANOTHER NAME ON IT FOR THE SAKE OF TRYING TO GIVE IT SOME KIND OF MERIT I WOULD RATHER LIVE THE CIRCLE OF LIFE EVEN FOR JUST ONE MOUSE NOT TO HAVE TO SUFFER AT THE HAND OF DEATH LIKE YOURS MRS.SCIEINTISTBUT NOT NOT REALLY WANTING TO COME OUTBECAUSE WE ALL KNOW WE ALL LIVE IN A CIRCLE OF LIFE WHO R U TO TORTURE INNOCENT CREATURES THAT DO NOT BELONG TO U THEY BELONG TO THE EARTH AND DESERVE EVERY RIGHT TO LIVE THEIR CIRCLE OF LIFE.WE HAVE SEEN THE TORTUROUS THINGS THAT GO ON IN LABS ALL OVER THE WORLD.PICTURES DO NOT LIE!EVEN MOVING PICTURES!AND LET US NOT FORGET THE FBI IN THE AMERICAS WHILE PROFILING SERIAL KILLERS CLASSIFY ANIMAL CRUELTY AS A VERY BEGIING STAGE YOU BETTER CHECK YOURSELF THIS IS NO LAUGHING MATTER TO PEOPLE WHO KNOW THE TRUTH.

  • Kalama Halamezad says:

    There’s no more resistance to the use of nonanimal models than there is to the use of new animal models. It’s the “new” aspect that meets resistance. Everything has to be validated before the scientific community will accept that it’s better than a model that’s already been extensively studied.

  • AlexK says:

    There are REAMS of documentation and videos of gruesome cruelty committed at wellknown labs and schools. What I have read and I have read a lot has chilled me to the very bone and I just realized how lucky I am to have been borne a human animal who will most likely never experience this. Researchers don’t like any of this to be public do they? The animals are “things” to be used and I can’t imagine how somebody can do this and then go home to have dinner with their family at night. Links and books and videos are available if anybody is interested and wants proof in the above. There are also many that ARE and HAVE come up with nonanimal alternatives but it seems there is resistance. The public needs this spotlight on the horrendous cruelty done to the helpless.

  • 4mula1 says:

    and charities are GULLIBLE enough to fund all this see reform march of dimes.org also mrmcmed.org

  • Kalama Halamezad says:

    I really need to wonder about anyone that really believes there’s a population of scientists that actually exist like those mentioned in the article. Scientists create and validate nonanimal methods as fast as they can dream them up and test them and once validated they get adopted by scientists…the method mentioned in this post is one of many examples. However there are still many things for which alternatives haven’t been created yet but animal methods exist that produce results that help scientists understand biological systems better so that they can get to a point where they can create a nonanimal model for instance. Criticizing and belittling scientists isn’t going to make alternatives get invented any quicker. Find ways to invest in researchers who work to develop alternatives or become a researcher who does so yourself. That’s a far better and more productive way to further your ideals than babbling about how we do it for money sadistic pleasure etc. etc.

  • rosario says:

    i saw a video which somebody smuggled out of a laboratory where they tortured chimpanzees! i never saw something so horrific in all my life! the animals didn’t even defend themselves but were staring all the time at this evil people! they were covered with blood and starving while the vivisectors mocked about them and put garlands around their necks hats and clown thing on them! i just remember the painfull expression of the faces of these poor creatures which could not understand what happened to them while the people boxed and hit them all the time laughing! i was so shocked that my nervous system failed and i got an epileptic crisis the first and the last time in my life but from that video tape i know that they enjoy torturing animals and i’m horrified about the crime done to these innocent beings! for this i say close all the laboratories and free the animals!

  • Rev. Meg Schramm says:

    This may be a joke but I have no doubt there are some lab animal attendants and researchers out there who do get bored or are just mean spirited and put their subjects through hell check out Covance if you don’t believe me. Also having been a kennel attendant and animal caretaker for many years I know it’s not a position that the public respects and there are times when caretakers are treated pretty badly by superiors and some in turn take it out on the animals they are caring for. This goes unnoticed by the public until one of us snaps and injures or kills one of our superiors instead of our charges in a fit of rage remember the research student who was killed by the animal caretaker last year? The solution for mistreating animals in a lab setting is to stop animal experimentation and use computer models.

  • janelle rose says:

    i recently went to a little outdoor flea marker in Beebe Arkansas and was appalled at the site of the animal section. Most of the. Most of the dogs had no water and were bound together at the neck by a very short leash. I am sure all of the pit bulls and roosters were for fighting. All the fowl were kept in dog crates with no water and about

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