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Move over bullfighting, hunting, and dogfighting—there's a new blood sport in town: Wimbledon Tennis. Yep, you read that correctly: The oldest tennis championship in the world—the home of manicured green grass courts and lily white uniforms—now has a blood-red body count. Don't go jumping to conclusions: It's not that PETA friend John McEnroe has unleashed his infamous temper on the court. No, the crime here is far more serious than a few choice expletives hurled at an intractable tournament official.

Hold on to your strawberries and (vegan) cream for this one—it seems that Wimbledon has hired sharpshooters to kill pigeons. And what crime did these pigeons commit to merit capital punishment? They pooped. More specifically, they pooped on some tables in an open-air restaurant frequented by media folks who cover Wimbledon matches. Now, I'm no expert in the area of pigeon control, but here's an idea: How about getting a few patio umbrellas? Call me Einstein, but I'd guess that my solution is a whole lot cheaper—in terms of money and lives.

And even if Wimbledon officials don't give a whit about compassion or public opinion, here's something else that they might consider: Their actions seem to be illegal, as in they're likely breaking the law. A U.K. law passed in 2006 prohibits "lethal control" of animals, except as a last resort. PETA Vice President Bruce Friedrich had more than a few choice words for Wimbledon, but here are a few that we can print:

Posted by Grace Friedan

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This week, one of my favorite sports events of the year is taking place: Wimbledon, the grand-daddy of professional tennis tournaments. I love it for several reasons: it takes place in England (I am British after all), they play on grass, which is the absolute height of civility if you ask me, and this year marks the first year that the prize money for women and men is equal, which is pretty cool. The main reason I’m so into Wimbledon this year, however, is that they are offering a live webcast, so I can keep up with the action (read: watch Amelie Mauresmo) while I slave away over this blog.

So now that you know that I love Wimbledon—and Amelie Mauresmo—more than is healthy for any man, I guess you know what I’ll be doing this weekend. And one of the high points for me is always the fact that John McEnroe is the commentator. The guy had an amazing career as a player and now brings perfect balance and a nice edge to his coverage of the genteel sport of tennis. It’s just plain fun to listen to the man.

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And in case you haven’t seen it, McEnroe starred in this amazing spay/neuter PSA for us. I think he’s perfect in it.

So yeah, don’t call me on Sunday afternoon. I’ll be watching my girl Amelie kick ass and listening to McEnroe talk about it.