It's almost time for Halloween, and while some folks are being sweeter than candy to animals, some are making us wish that we were only watching a scary movie.

Kisses to Los Angeles' Ghost Ship. The country's only haunted sailing vessel promises its victims a 75-minute voyage of horror, but only if they aren't wearing the victims of the horrifying fur industry. Even ax-wielding maniacs know that fur is cruel.

Kisses to The Office for showing the very real danger of leaving a dog in a hot car in very memorable Office style.

Hisses to the U.S. Department of Agriculture for talking out of both sides of its mouth about the foods that people put into theirs—pushing people to eat vegetables but granting huge subsidies to the meat industry.

Kisses to women's clothing store Dress Barn for proudly displaying "Fab Faux Fur" in its windows.

Hisses to the U.S. Air Force for considering turning animals into fuel for planes. With all the biofuel options available, even Fred Flintstone would think that this cruel fuel is archaic.

Kisses to Tom Wargo of Lilburn, Georgia, and to 13-year-old Victoria O'Connell of Rapid City, South Dakota, for realizing that companion animals also suffer in a recession and starting animal food banks. Wargo gets an extra smooch for requiring owners to obtain low-cost spay-and-neuter services.

Written by Michelle Sherrow

tvgasm / CC

Did you see last night's episode of The Office? You may have guessed that my favorite part was at the end, when Michael, clad in his new fur coat, told us this valuable lesson: "You should know that some people think it's cool to throw buckets of fake blood on you as you are walking out of Burlington Coat Factory." Bwaha! That's true—although flour does seem to be more popular these days.

Original Office star Ricky Gervais spoke out against fur, too, when he teamed up with PETA Europe in the worldwide fight to stop Canadian bears from getting slaughtered for silly hats.

All of you Office fans can breathe a sigh of relief—the coat they used to film the episode was (hooray!) faux. However, if Michael Scott were a real person, he very well could have marched into his nearest Burlington Coat Factory and bought himself a hideous dead skin. That's right, for all of you who were wondering (and for all of you who called and e-mailed us to ask), "Burlington Death Factory" does, in fact, sell actual fur—a fact that we happily informed everyone who asked.

So, figuring that Burlington might notice a sudden drop in its sales right when all the conscientious consumers are gearing up for the holiday season, we were kind enough to send its execs an e-mail with an explanation: Hey Burlington, we told everyone who asked that you sell fur, and we suggested other (fur-free) places where they can take their money.

So, hey, Burlington, how about you follow other retailers like Zappos.com, Burton, and so many others and change your furry ways? We'll even accept your leftover fur stock as a taxable donation. Sweet of us, right?

Written by Amanda Schinke