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When the Royal College of Psychiatrists in the U.K. studied the relationship between mental disorders and eating meat and dairy products, they found that "a higher national dietary intake of … dairy products predicted a worse two-year outcome of schizophrenia." It’s a testament to the wildly varied interests of the folks in our Vegan Department that this was the very first thought that popped into their minds while they were skimming through the latest tabloid gossip about Britney’s exploits in the psych ward (she’s apparently been asking for ice cream). But that’s what happened, and that’s how this friendly letter to Brit’s parents was born. The letter suggests putting the suffering star on a vegan diet to help her get her emotional and physical health back to a place where it won’t be daily fodder for Perez and The Superficial. TMZ covered the story yesterday, and I’ll let you know if we hear back from James and Lynne Spears.

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Generally, I would rather write about the paint drying outside our office than add another chapter to the increasingly tedious melodrama that is Britney Spears' biography, but when she does something stupid and irresponsible that involves animals (which is pretty much every time I check nowadays), I feel like I have to report on it. The latest on our Britney—pictured here with a stupid hat and a family of dead rabbits draped over her shoulders—is that she was spotted at a PETCO in Hollywood buying a caged parakeet to go with her prized collection of neglected children.

I totally understand that it must suck to be 25 years old and have the best years of your life well behind you, and I do realize she probably gets lonely at home between her stints in rehab, but somehow I just don’t think Britney Spears should be responsible for the care of another living thing. Seems to me she’s got enough on her plate just getting herself out of bed in the morning . . .

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Maybe Britney should stick to her trademark crotch shots, because her new post-rehab look definitely isn’t working for her. Unless of course she’s actually going for the whole "street walker" look, in which case she nailed it. I’m referring to this pic from an article talking about her supposed “comeback”:

I realize the girl has had it rough and the whole teen star aftermath meltdown was inevitable, but now that she’s got a couple of husbands and a stint in rehab behind her, one would think she’d get over her desperate need for attention and ditch the furs. Anyway, if you’d like to send her some inspirational thoughts to help her get over her current fur addiction, you can do that here (click on the star).

And of course, if the furs are fake Britney, I totally take back the whole “street walker” thing. I was just joshing with ya.