Schools named after Albert Einstein clearly have high hopes for their students' potential. So, for Einstein's birthday on March 14, PETA is urging some of his namesake schools to serve only vegetarian food, funded by PETA, in the school's cafeteria. Eating vegetarian is just as smart as devising the theory of relativity, which is probably why great minds such as Einstein, Leonardo da Vinci, Pythagoras, and Gandhi refused to eat animals.

In a colorful, kid-friendly leaflet that PETA would give to students, Einstein is quoted as saying, "So I am living without fats, without meat, without fish, but am feeling quite well this way. It almost seems to me that man was not born to be a carnivore."

And he was right—the saturated fats and cholesterol in meat contribute to heart disease, cancer, obesity, diabetes, and Alzheimer's disease. Mercury in fish can also cause learning problems and memory loss. But plant-based foods such as blueberries, avocados, whole grains, and nuts contain powerful nutrients to help students' growing minds reach their full potential.

We don't have to be able to come up with E=mc² in order to look like geniuses. We just have to raid the produce aisle.

This may be what you're used to thinking of as an anti-viv poster:

 

But nowadays, you're just as likely to see this as an anti-viv poster:

That's because PETA has a squadron of scientists who meet with government regulators, serve on expert working groups, put pressure on international corporations, publish in scientific journals, and make presentations at international scientific conferences like the one that took place in August in Montréal.

The World Congress on Alternatives and Animal Use in the Life Sciences is the premier international conference on alternatives to animal testing. (Yes, we know that the "and" in the title should be "to" and have mentioned that to the organizers.) Even though animal experimenters attend the conference and peddle their wares and displays touting cruel experiments like force-feeding animals Jerusalem artichokes (seriously), there is also a lot of excellent information presented on non-animal testing methods and strategies.

Five PETA scientists presented displays and gave talks at last week's conference about ways to avoid using animals in endocrine testing, skin testing, and other tests. Our presentation on vaccine testing evidenced how PETA has succeeded in using a variety of pressure points to save thousands of animals from being used in cruel vaccine testing, including convincing the U.S. government to replace the use of pigs in painful erysipelas vaccine tests. Another PETA scientist addressed attendees regarding new non-animal technologies that can replace the use of mice in antibody production work. 

With close to 1,000 participants from more than 50 countries at the conference, PETA's scientists were encouraged to note how many companies and laboratories represented at the Congress are actively working on technology and testing methods that can reduce or replace the use of animals. Not only are these methods 100 percent humane, they are also less expensive, more effective, and faster than animal tests.

In honor of Halloween (and our peta2 zombie protesters), let me start this out by saying, "Braaaaaains!"

Good—now that I've got that out of my system, we can talk about the 11 awesome professional athletes who have all agreed to donate their brains to science!

That's right, these athletes—including six retired NFL players, among others—will all be donating their brains (post mortem, of course) to a study headed (tee hee) by the Sports Legacy Institute and Boston University. The study will use these oft-concussed brains to determine if there is a definite link between concussions and traumatic encephalopathy.

You might know traumatic encephalopathy better as "punch-drunk syndrome," or "boxer's dementia." Dementia and parkinsonism have long been linked to repeated concussions—such as those suffered by boxers or football players—and this study will further explore this relationship.

Sadly, studies like this often inflict head trauma on primates—only to kill them shortly afterwards—in order to simulate concussions in human brains! That's why these athletes' donations are so valuable—by donating their brains, these athletes have spared countless animals from suffering the torture of enduring repeated traumatic injuries. Their brains, by the simple nature of being human brains, will also provide science with much more reliable and conclusive results than any an animal test could provide.

That's why PETA is presenting these athletes with our Compassionate Action Award! Each athlete will receive a framed certificate and letter of appreciation—and the unspoken thanks of all the animals who will not have to suffer in the name of "science."

The awards go to retired NFL players Isaiah Kacyvenski, Ted Johnson, Frank Wycheck, Ben Lynch, Bernie Parrish, and Bruce Laird; former U.S. Olympic swimmer Jenny Thompson; Florida Panthers hockey player Noah Welch; former U.S. Women's National Soccer team player Cindy Parlow; former boxer Maurice "Termite" Watkins; and last, but not least, Sports Legacy Institute founder, former Harvard football player, and former professional wrestler Chris Nowinski.

Written by Amanda Schinke

Four monkey-masked PETA members paid Yale a little visit yesterday in honor of National Primate Liberation Week.

 

 

As motorists passed underneath the banner-wielding monkeys, they were reminded that "Yale Murders Monkeys." Well, specifically, Yale imprisons monkeys in tiny cages, mutilates them, injects them with poison, forces drug addiction on them, and eventually kills the animals as part of the experiments—but "murders" pretty much covers it, don't you think?

That's right—the more than 160 primates who are locked up in Yale's laboratories are the subjects of many cruel experiments, several of them drug-related. Some of the more heinous abuses include injecting toxins into monkeys’ brains so that they can’t walk, move or eat, addicting the monkeys to PCP to induce schizophrenia (excuse me?) and addicting them to nicotine by giving them the equivalent of smoking 17 packs of cigarettes per day. Because, ya know, exposing a monkey to 17 packs' worth is really reflective of an average human smoker's habits. Right.

The vivisectors at Yale are even killing pregnant monkeys and removing their fetuses in order to cut out their brains. If this were happening anywhere else, it would be condemned as psychopathic, murderous behavior—but because it's done in the name of "science," we're expected to accept this.

Well, forgive me, but this isn't the kind of thing that we at PETA tend to accept—and neither, I think, would most reasonable people. These monkeys are being tortured and murdered at taxpayer expense, but who said the taxpayers approve?

If you don't approve, please write the National Institutes of Health and ask them to end their policy of funding animal experiments like these.

Written by Amanda Schinke

jalopnik / CC

TMZ hypothesized that the folks at Chrysler "must have purposely wanted" to annoy us when they released this memo, which says that "all employee's [sic] shall not wear any shoe with open toe or open heal [sic], Canvas, Suede, Mesh, plastic, pleather or any shoe with a raised heal [sic] on it will not be allowed on the workplace floor. Only shoes / Boots of solid leather composition are allowed …." And what's more, those who don't adhere to these leather-only guidelines will be sent home to change—without pay!

TMZ might be on to something, frankly. Besides the composition of the memo itself (which is making me a little, ahem, sic), there's the fact that the Chrysler folks are totally ignoring all the many rugged, non-porous leather alternatives out there. Of course, nobody on a factory floor should be wearing peep-toe stilettos, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with a good pleather—which, you might notice, is specifically outlawed. Work boots work if they have steel toes and are made of a sturdy material; the skins of dead, abused animals are not required.

Plus, as PETA Director of Corporate Affairs Matt Prescott points out in his letter to Chrysler—oh yes, of course we wrote them a letter—this policy might "discriminate against employees whose religious beliefs forbid or discourage the wearing of leather such as Jains, many Hindus and Buddhists, and others"—not to mention those, for example, who refuse to wear skins for other ethical reasons (hmm … do I know anyone like that?).

So seriously, Chrysler, discriminating against employees while promoting an industry that is cruel to animals and toxic to the environment? Not cool. But the news this morning is cool: Chrysler did consider changing its tune and says that no one who doesn't adhere to the leather rule will be punished.

They might also want to consider hiring a proofreader, but we're content with the cruelty-free boots.

Written by Amanda Schinke

wikimedia / CC

Whoops-a-daisy, AIG. Looks like the insurance giant has been making a couple of teensy-weensy billion-dollar mistakes lately!

Let's see. First, American International Group (AIG) received $85 billion from the Federal Reserve last month in order to stay afloat … and then they reportedly treated their top agents to a $440,000 week at a fancy-schmancy spa. Investigators were not impressed.

But hey, we all make mistakes (though most of mine don't reach the six-figure range), so when AIG needed an additional $37.8 billion, the Federal Reserve was willing to hand over taxpayer money to help out.

And then AIG reportedly spent $86,000 on a hunting trip.

I have to confess here that I don't know how expensive hunting equipment is—I wouldn't come within 50 feet of that cruel and unnecessary "sport"—but something tells me that $86,000 might be a little much.

According to an AIG spokesman, the killing—I'm sorry, hunting—trip "was an annual event for customers" and was "planned months before the Federal Reserve Bank of New York's loan to AIG."

Yeah, I'm sorry, but maybe they should've thought about how this would look to taxpayers. "Gee, thanks for the $37 billion—I'm goin' to England to slaughter some animals!"

To put it mildly, people are rather miffed at AIG's cavalier spending habits. White House Press Secretary Dana Perino called the spa trip "despicable," and New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo is investigating all these "unwarranted and outrageous expenditures," saying on Wednesday, "The party is over. No more hunting trips. No more luxury resorts. They are not going to have the party and leave the hangover for the taxpayers."

Poor AIG. They just can't get a break—oh, wait, they did, and then they decided to go hunting with it.

Written by Amanda Schinke

According to Google Insights, searches for "human breast milk" skyrocketed in the last month. Searches for "breast milk recipes" have also more than doubled. (See the graphs below for more details.)

Never to miss an opportunity—especially during these tough economic times—PETA has decided to create a human-breast-milk cookbook, with all profits going directly to PETA's "Dump Dairy" campaign. In between recipes, you'll be able to read about how cow's milk has been linked to zits, mucus build-up, and flatulence. We'll also include full-color pictures of veal calves who miss their mommies. All we need now are the recipes!

Please share your human-breast-milk recipes by commenting below. (Note: Aside from the breast milk, all recipes must be strictly vegan.) We're looking for desserts, snacks, main courses, etc! Let us know how you'd like us to credit you if your recipe makes the cut.

We're planning to launch the book guerilla-marketing style. Click here if you'd like more information about our Cookbook Street Team.

Exhibit A: Graph of Searches for 'Breast Milk Recipes'

 

 

Exhibit B: Graph of Searches for 'Human Breast Milk'

 

 

Written by Joel Bartlett

P.S. This entire post is a joke, but given our history, it's understandable if you didn't get that.

wallpaperbase / CC

This isn't the first time we've heard it, but it's getting ever-better. According to a recent article in Science, fish can talk. At least one species (midshipman) and a close relative (toadfish) grunt, growl, and hum to communicate with one another, with different sounds to show aggression or lure a mate.

According to researchers, this shows that fish are more similar to us than many folks would suspect. "[T]he sophisticated neural circuitry that midshipman [fish] use to vocalize develops in a similar region of the central nervous system as the circuitry that allows a human to laugh or a frog to croak …," according to the Marine Biological Laboratory (MBL) in Woods Hole, Massachusetts, where research was conducted.

One researcher at MBL—named, I promise, Dr. Bass—believes that vocal communication is probably widespread among our finned friends. It may even give insight as to how fish have evolved.

Take note that this isn't an isolated bit of research—a great deal of time has been dedicated to investigating methods of animal communication. Each new study verifies more and more what many of us have suspected for years: Humans and other animals aren't all that different.

Posted by Sean Conner