North Dakota Not Ready for Angela Simmons

With all due respect to the Piano Man, I don't really agree that the sinners have more fun than the saints. Most North Dakotans don't either—their state boasts the second-highest percentage of Christians in the nation. 

When PETA saw that statistic, we had an epiphany (if you'll pardon the pun) and decided that we should erect this billboard in North Dakota:

Photo: Sarah McColgan/www.sarahmccolgan.com|Hair: Maisha Oliver|Makeup: Marina Gravani for Artists by Timothy Priano

Angela Simmons isn't just paying lip service to the cause. Rev Run's daughter and the cofounder of Pastry shoes is a devout Christian who practices "thou shalt not kill" every time she sits down to eat. She credits the Bible and her uncle, vegan hip-hop mogul Russell Simmons, with inspiring her cruelty-free diet. 

One glance at Angela's figure might make a person think, "Have mercy!"—and that's exactly how she does it. By following Matthew 5:7, "Blessed are the merciful …," Angela keeps her vegetarian bod lean and also saves animals from abuse on factory farms and the horror of slaughterhouses.

Unfortunately, we weren't able to place our billboard in North Dakota, but you have to admit that it's pretty divine, huh?

Anyone can have a heavenly body and be angelic to animals simply by not eating meat. Of course, darling, only the meat-eaters die young. Well, they're certainly more likely to.