I wanted to do a joke here about the fact that “gosling” means baby goose, but it’s not coming, so I’ll just play this one straight: Ryan Gosling, the Oscar-nominated star of Lars and the Real Girl, Murder by Numbers, and Half Nelson, has just fired off a letter on behalf of PETA to John Bitove (who runs the show for most KFCs in Canada, Ryan’s home country) urging him to stop Canadian KFCs' suppliers worst abuses of chickens, who are killed when they’re still just babies. "The time is ripe to do the right thing," he writes. "By adopting the basic recommendations made by PETA and scientific experts (including raising birds in a more natural manner and employing less cruel slaughter methods), you could dramatically improve the lives and deaths of chickens …."

Ryan Gosling	Goslings

Image credits: DeadlineHollywoodDaily, BBC / CC

And if you haven’t seen Lars and the Real Girl yet, you should rent it. Definitely one of my favorite movies this year.

As you’ll be well aware if you live anywhere near here, our area got hit by a tornado yesterday. 200 people were injured, a lot of people had to leave their homes in a hurry, and …here we go again…animals were left behind, plus authorities have refused to let people who tried to go home after work return to their homes. We’ve been rushing around today trying to help those animals out. There’s plenty more info below about what you can do if you live in the area.

… But, as our friend Moby shows in this sketch, sometimes you also need to be, like, interesting. This one’s just for fun.

AwesomeFlorida / CC

This past weekend, a dolphin named Sharky collided with another dolphin during a live “performance” and died shortly afterwards. The story has been doing the rounds of the international news media, which invariably uses terms like “freak accident” and “random,” interspersed with the occasional quote about the incident being “unfortunate”. Which is all very nice, I guess, but they’re missing a key point about this story: Dolphins don’t do well in captivity because they don’t belong there, and one tragedy or another is inevitable when these animals are required to perform tricks that are as unnatural to them as they are inhumane.

Sharky, like the vast majority of dolphins held captive in marine mammal parks, died a few decades short of his natural life expectancy. The only difference between his story and that of his counterparts around the country is that his story actually got reported on.

More info on marine mammal parks here.

askmen / CC

Pam (who also stuck around to lobby the guests alongside PETA VP Dan Mathews at the White House Correspondents Dinner on Saturday) hand-delivered a PETA science report—the impetus for a recent front-page Washington Post story—condemning the failure of the Department of Health and Human Services to use sophisticated, non-animal test methods widely used in Europe, in place of decades-old, cruel and crude animal tests for toxicity. Asked about her decision to act as a courier on PETA’s behalf, she said, "Being a citizen excites me not just because I can vote, but because I can crack the whip on Capitol Hill to defend animals."

And she does it all with a smile. You rule, Pam.

P.S. If you want to help out yourself by contacting your members of Congress about this issue, you can do so through the webform here.

… So say a number of Canadian consumers, who have just filed a formal complaint against the Fur Council of Canada (FCC) with the Competition Bureau of Canada. The complaint—which has been signed by representatives of animal protection groups from British Columbia to Nova Scotia—alleges that the FCC has attempted to gain an unfair competitive advantage by using preposterous claims that fur production is “Eco-Friendly” and that people who choose fur alternatives are damaging the environment because of the energy that’s required to make faux fur.

In fact, the opposite is true. Not only are fur garments treated with toxic chemicals to keep them from decomposing, but fur production—which government agencies around the world have identified as a major pollutant—poisons waterways and consumes resources at an alarming rate. It is estimated that it takes 15 times as much energy to produce a fur coat from ranch-raised animals as it does to produce a faux-fur coat. Not to mention the pain and suffering and the existence of natural fibres like cotton, etc.

And it’s against the rules to lie in order to gain a competitive advantage. So the FCC needs to stop it. I’ll let you know how that goes.

You can take action on this issue here.

Model and designer Kimora Lee Simmons, whose Baby Phat ads and clothes were once disturbingly furry, has had a big change of heart over the time we have known her. Contact Music published an article yesterday about Kimora’s reasons for giving her branded Barbie doll a faux-fur coat accessory. Kimora says wants kids to know that faux fur is both compassionate and stylish, saying of the doll:

So, thanks to Kimora for helping to spread the word. In the meantime, I’m trying to come up with some other Barbie dolls that will be equivalently effective as educational tools for kids. So far, I’ve got “Seal Hunt Protest Barbie” (artist’s rendition below), and “Runway Takeover Barbie”. If anyone else has any suggestions, let me know.

TableandHome / CC

If you haven’t seen it yet, you should check out this beautiful website, which has been designed to house all the veggie testimonials we’ve made recently with celebrities such as Sir Paul McCartney, Alicia Silverstone, Forest Whittaker, Casey Affleck, James Cromwell, and others. There’s also a section where you can upload your own video testimonial about what made you go vegetarian, ‘cuz we’re all Web 2.0 like that. To kick things off, I made my own version. Check it out, then make your own and follow the directions here to submit it. There are some T-shirts and an iPod up for grabs for the best submissions. Plus everlasting Internet notoriety, of course.

Here's what Jeff says about this week's masterpiece: "The strip is based on the sad measures that officials have to take in order to protect rhinos from poachers. And a little depravity thrown in for good measure."

He also let me know that, in honor of Earth Week, he sprayed this strip with 50 percent less pesticides. Which was very noble of him, I thought. Anyway, this one's a zinger—enjoy!

Click for a larger version

To check out the archives of past strips, click here.

The nation's fleeting attention was caught today by a story about a Florida woman who was surprised to discover a full-sized alligator nonchalantly wandering around in her kitchen looking for treats. For her troubles, the woman in question—Ms. Sandie Frosti—gets an all-expenses-paid trip to New York to do the talk-show circuit, so everything turned out OK for her.

But what's to become of old Andy the Alligator? Well, according to local authorities, our reptilian friend, who is believed to be a grown-up from a group of baby gators that the neighbors used to feed in the pond, has been bound up and is awaiting slaughter, which will probably come via a knife or ax to the spine, so that he can be paralyzed before they skin him alive to make shoes, belts, and bags out of him.

Which is pretty much the price that animals who don't pass the "cute and cuddly" test always tend to pay in these situations. There's going to be plenty of yukking it up about Ms. Frosti's wacky experience during the talk-show fluff pieces tomorrow morning, so I figured at least somebody should tell the alligator's side of the story. If nothing else, maybe it'll at least serve as a reminder never to buy exotic skins.