No, not that Jack Black … The Jack Black line of skin care products for men that's taken the world by storm, with rave reviews and awards from Men’s Health and Esquire magazines. Now the company has teamed up with PETA to highlight its new cruelty-free Pure Performance Shave Brush with a contest over at CaringConsumer.com.

Until now, essentially all high-end barber shop quality shave brushes have been made with badger hair, so this is a real breakthrough. To be honest, I’m a little behind the uber-hip urban dude grooming curve. But even an emo guy like me can appreciate the fact that this brush helps guys get a nice clean shave, and more importantly, lets badgers carry on being badgers. It took years of development and commitment to make it happen, so PETA is presenting our Trail-Blazer Award to Jack Black cofounders Curran Dandurand and Emily Dalton for their commitment to developing products that are free from animal ingredients and never tested on animals.

The holidays are coming, so Mum and Dad, if you’re reading, I really like the looks of this stuff . . . I’m just saying is all. Oh yeah, here’s a direct link to the contest.

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Boy, it must be really unpleasant to be stuck like that, Jack. I know it’s hard, but see if you can grind those mental gears just a little bit more and think about whether there might be something wrong with the fact that your entire career is based on putting animals through exactly the same kind of nightmare.

I know—those khaki pants and that corny sense of humor make Jack Hanna oh-so-likeable, but the bottom line is that he has a simply lousy track record when it comes to animals. It's abundantly clear from incidents like this one that the animals themselves aren't Hanna's first priority, since he clearly feels comfortable lugging them around in crates to be brought out and paraded around for people's amusement, and it shouldn't take a wildlife expert to figure out that this experience can be immensely stressful for the animals involved. You can click here for some more info about the tawdry exotic-pet trade, which Hanna helps to glamorize by pimping leopards and big snakes on TV.

For future reference, Jack, exotic animals don't belong in crates any more than they belong in a TV studio, no matter how much they pay you. Here's hoping that next time you end up behind bars, it's for good.

Today is my birthday, which—for those of you not familiar with birthday rules—means I can do anything I want. And what I want to do today is post this video that my friend Joel and I made a while ago for a song I wrote, which happens to be about birthdays. What does this have to with animals, you ask? Plenty. Apart from being a brilliant reflection on the alienating effects of ingrained cultural phenomena on the postmodern man, it’s also a step-by-step instructional video on how to make a delicious vegan birthday cake! E.g., use apple sauce instead of eggs. The chickens will thank you. Happy Birthday me!

P.S. Today is also Richard Nixon's birthday, but whatever.