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photos/reactionphotography / CC BY-SA 2.0

I was taught that babies came from a cabbage patch, but I just found out that some babies come from a hamburger patch. According to a recent article, a beef-eating British baby momma gave birth to a nearly 14-pound boy! She's admitted that she gorged on a boatload of beef throughout her pregnancy, and when she gave birth by Caesarean, it took three people to lift baby Harry out (see, it really does take a village to raise a child). Joked one medical staffer who helped in the delivery, "Have you got a school uniform ready?"

For the love of healthy babies, let's just hope that Harry isn't raised on cow's milk and meat, which are laced with growth hormones. Here are some parting words of advice for the new mom:

1. Lift with your knees.
2. Stick with veggie burgers.

Written by Amy Skylark Elizabeth

Agência Brasil / CC by 2.5 Brazil

Psst! Have your hair and your love life lost their luster?

According to Bolivian President Evo Morales, eating flesh from chickens that have been given female hormones could make men go bald and have "problems being men."

When chickens are given hormones, as they are in so many countries, it gives credibility to Morales' chrome-dome claim, and there are hard facts that eating meat causes impotence. And for another mood killer, if you catch your man rooting around in your bra drawer, it might be because he needs the support: Consuming meat and milk laced with estrogen and other hormones may contribute to the development of "moobs."

Thanks for your advice, Mr. President. For even more presidential advice on all things animal-related, pick up a copy of PETA President Ingrid E. Newkirk's latest book, The PETA Practical Guide to Animal Rights.

Written by Amy Skylark Elizabeth

Finally! Someone who fights factory farm pollution has received some serious recognition. Lynn Henning, a Michigan corn and soybean farmer, has just been presented with the prestigious Goldman Environmental Prize (known worldwide as the "Green Nobel") and the accompanying $150,000 award for her efforts to expose factory farms for the pollution-spewing cesspools they are. She plans to donate much of the money to environmental groups and spend a portion on water-monitoring kits. Go, Henning!

Encouraging people to recycle and use energy-efficient light bulbs is all well and good, but everyone needs to hold factory farms accountable for their dirty deeds by refusing to buy their dirty goods. Just last week, millions of gallons of manure from a dairy farm spilled into the Snohomish River. Both Perdue Farms and Hudson Farm—an 80,000-bird factory farm—were recently sued for mucking up the Chesapeake Bay.

Meat's not green, so I hope that everyone is celebrating Earth Day—and making Henning's work less lonely—by eating only vegan food.

Oh, and check out some of the winners in other countries. Most of them are also helping animals and the environment at the same time. Feel inspired?

Written by Heather Moore

This just in: In response to PETA's undercover investigation of animal experiments at the University of Utah (the U) and the complaint that we filed with U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA), the U has been cited for nine violations of federal animal protection laws, including the following:

• Causing a kitten to die from dehydration
• Keeping calves restrained for days at a time without the ability to properly stand up or walk
• Failing to provide adequate pain relief to a monkey after surgery
• Failing to properly treat injuries in pigs
• Allowing extreme crowding in guinea pig cages
• Socially isolating a monkey without approval and failing to provide him with proper environmental enrichment
• Performing surgery on a rabbit's eyes without proper approval

Mike Johnson - TheBusyBrain.com / CC by 2.0

Q: If "Happiness Is a Dead Animal," then what does that make a malnourished, exhausted, or mistreated animal?

A: A hot dog, according to the meat industry, which recently admitted that it uses dark, firm, and dry (DFD) meat—which "can be the result of prolonged stress in animals prior to slaughter, either because the animals have been underfed, or they are overly fatigued due to transportation and mishandling, or both"—to make "high-quality" products like hot dogs.

Makes perfect sense, right? If an animal is destined for slaughter, why bother treating him or her humanely when you can use his or her underfed and overly fatigued flesh to make hot dogs? I'm thinking that all the antibiotics, dioxins, and hormones that are loaded into meat have finally gotten to those industry officials' heads.

Instead of chowing down on DFD flesh, maybe they should try some DDF (that's "darn delicious faux") meat instead?

Written by Logan Scherer

For a minute there, we thought Jeremy "Mercury Poisoning" Piven was serious when he said that he gave up soy milk for fear that it would give him "moobs."

I mean, come on, everybody knows that cow's milk—not soy milk—is the real culprit behind man boobs, right? According to Harvard scientist Ganmaa Davaasambuu, cow's milk "contains considerable amounts of female sex hormones"—especially milk from factory-farmed cows who are kept almost constantly pregnant. She estimates that dairy products account for 60 to 80 percent of the estrogens consumed by the average person.

But wait—there's more! Factory-farmed cows are commonly fed bovine growth hormone in order to stimulate their bodies to produce more milk. Hormone-treated cow's milk contains high levels of Insulin Growth Factor (IGF-1), which studies show can cause the dreaded gynecomastia (moobs). Milk consumption, with all its accompanying hormones, has also been linked to prostate cancer and breast cancer.

So, boys, if you're worried about maintaining your manly physique, pour some soy (or rice or almond) milk on your cereal—and pour the moob juice down the drain.

Written by Alisa Mullins