If you always have a sleepless night after watching a horror movie, you might want to think twice before sitting down to a meal of dead bodies. Here's why meat is more dangerous than an ax-wielding maniac:

There's something deadly in the water.

If you're still eating fish despite the dangers of mercury, might I suggest that you may also enjoy a summer job at Camp Crystal Lake?

The hormones will get you every time

As every randy teenage slasher-flick victim can attest, hormones can be deadly. Hormones in meat can cause all sorts of unsexy conditions, such as "moobs." Which leads me to number three …

Which would you rather have a standoff with?

Eating meat causes impotence. Given their druthers, I think a lot of men would opt instead for the hockey mask–wearing serial killer.

The chubby guy always gets it.

That's another good reason not to ingest all the saturated fat that meat contains.

It's getting hard to breathe.

Find yourself short of breath when you hear that ominous theme music ("Ki-ki-ki-ma-ma-ma")? The toxic gasses and bacteria that wind spreads from factory farms make it even more difficult to inhale.

Stay out of the woods.

Do you ever shout, "Why are you running into the woods?!" when some moron is being chased by a psycho? People in real life do dumb things that lead to their untimely demise, too, like eating meat, eggs, and dairy products even though bad diets are to blame for one-third of all cancer deaths. 

Farms are generally good to avoid, too.

Have you seen PETA's slasher movie that features video footage from chicken farms? If you're too chicken … don't eat chicken.

A knife isn't the only thing that will stop a heart.

Heart disease caused by diets high in artery-clogging animal products will do the trick, too.

What kills a killer?

In Friday the 13^th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, Voorhees is finally done in by toxic waste in the sewers. If the kids had only gotten him into one of the waterways polluted with factory-farm runoff, he would've been a goner a lot sooner.

The killer always comes back to life.

Meat's got its own resilient killer: antibiotic-resistant bacteria caused by the overuse of antibiotics on factory farms.

Freddy vs. Jason

Between meat and dairy products, trying to choose which is more deadly is like trying to decide which serial killer you want to take a weekend getaway with.

Guess what's hiding behind the barn door.

Poo. And lots of it. Yeah, it gets in meat, too.

Death … and taxes

Maybe the worst thing about how deadly meat is, is that we actually have to pay for it—both at the check-out counter and in the form of government subsidies. I mean, at least when Jason is swinging a machete, he's not simultaneously asking for your wallet—am I right?

Slash your risk of getting killed off early by running from meat as if your life depended on it. (But don't go running through the woods. That's never a good idea.)

lovecarrots / CC

Recent news of the untimely passing of Tim Russert has struck a chord with a lot of people now questioning their own health. Doctors confirmed that the 58-year-old Meet the Press moderator died of a heart attack—a cause of death all too common in our country. Heart disease is actually one of the top three killers that our country faces, alongside cancer and strokes. And heart disease is commonly a symptom of poor diets, so it's a serious matter that should make everyone think twice about the foods they're choosing to put in their bodies.

Remember all those times your mother wouldn't let you leave the dinner table before finishing your vegetables? Well, she was on to something. We're not talking about the latest scientific discovery here—just the facts that have been around for a long time.

A vegetarian diet can have a profound impact on the health of the human body. Filling your stomach with plant-based foods instead of animal products eliminates the unhealthy saturated fat and cholesterol that come from consuming animals and animal byproducts, not to mention all the steroids pumped into the animals for unnatural rapid growth results.

We've received so many questions about heart health since Russert's tragic death that we sent off a letter to the editor highlighting just how beneficial a vegetarian diet can be—even reducing the risk of developing heart disease by 50 percent.

Go on over to the VegCooking Blog to find some truly delicious recipes that will make both your tummy and your heart happy. Homemade vegan shepherd's pie, anyone?

Posted by Jennifer Cierlitsky