A report issued this week by Sens. John McCain, R-Ariz., and Tom Coburn, R-Okla., blasts 100 "questionable," "mismanaged," and "poorly planned" stimulus-funded projects, including an especially cruel and wasteful experiment that the report aptly calls "Monkeys Getting High for Science." (No, it isn't another Onion story, unfortunately.) The study in question is being conducted at the Wake Forest University Baptist Medical Center, which nabbed $71,623 in stimulus funds (i.e., tax dollars) to feed cocaine to monkeys.

"I think all of [the projects] are waste," McCain told ABC News. "[S]ome are more egregious than others but all of them are terrible."

Hooking monkeys on coke definitely falls into the "more egregious" category. Unfortunately, the idiotic study is just a drop in the proverbial crack pipe. Other mind-bogglingly absurd addiction studies on animals include the following:

• National Institutes of Health–funded experimenter Michael Weed trained monkeys in a basic motor task, infected them with simian immunodeficiency virus, and then checked how they performed the task—while on cocaine. So now we know … what? That you shouldn't hire monkeys with STDs who are high on drugs to mow your lawn?
• Yale professor Marina Picciotto wasted taxpayer money to feed monkeys Kool-Aid laced with huge amounts of liquid nicotine (the equivalent of 17 packs of cigarettes a day in one case!) and addicted rats and mice to cocaine, morphine, and alcohol before decapitating them. Anyone with a head on their shoulders would realize that this is cruel—and pointless.
• Oregon National Primate Research Center experimenter Eliot Spindel impregnates monkeys and injects them with dangerous levels of nicotine. He then kills and dissects their preterm babies after cutting them out of their mothers. Yeah, pregnant women shouldn't smoke—we know that already.
• Another frequent rider of the NIH gravy train, Stephen Suomi, separates baby monkeys from their mothers and gives them access to alcohol to see how stress and maternal deprivation affect their desire to drown their sorrows. Just reading about this makes me want to head to the nearest bar.

Please help prevent more money from being flushed down the laboratory drain by asking the National Institutes of Health to stop funding addiction experiments on animals.

Written by Alisa Mullins

American Idol season seven runner-up Kristy Lee Cook is doing anything she can to get her "15 Minutes of Shame." In her new television show on Versus (formerly the Outdoor Life Network), Kristy is traveling around the country shooting animals. It sounds like she must have had those tired old defenses of hunting hammered into her as a kid, because she isn't embarrassed to float the incredibly old saw that hunters somehow help animals … by killing them while they're in the woods with their families minding their own business.

We hope Kristy will realize that her quest for fame would be better served by following in the footsteps of two of her fellow Idol alums-turned-country-stars. Vegetarian and Idol winner Carrie Underwood, for instance, has won five Grammy Awards and had 13 straight number one singles, while Kellie Pickler—our 2009 Sexiest Vegetarian winner—sold more than 800,000 copies of her debut album. And sensational Simon Cowell condemns fur, promotes spaying and neutering, and shot a public service announcement urging people not to leave dogs in hot cars.

Now is the time for Kristy to use her powerful voice as a weapon and hang up her gun collection for good.

Written by Jennifer O'Connor

We are still receiving calls, e-mails, and blog comments about Anapka, the donkey who was recently hoisted up on a parasail and spent a terrifying 30 minutes in the air, braying for help, before crash landing in the ocean and being dragged across the beach in a promotional stunt. Great news: Anapka's days of flying are over after the British newspaper The Sun bought her in response to an onslaught of outraged reader demand.

Vets gave this personable animal a clean bill of health and offers to adopt her and get her into a safe, permanent home are pouring in.

Would you like to help other donkeys who have been abused and hurt? Oh, yes! Please check out the remarkable work of our friends at Animal Rahat.

Written by Jennifer O'Connor

OK, maybe that's a trick question. Who in the world would spend one plugged nickel on this gruesome "novelty"?

We realize that giving attention to things like these "piggy banks"—or those strange dead squirrel beer cozies—is like engaging with a radio shock jock, but these promotions are a bit more than we can overlook.

Doesn't it seem to you that it's long past time for taxidermy novelty items to go the way of the Jackalope? We have sent a letter to the folks at TheCheeky.com with some suggestions. If they are striving for "different," they should consider something like bras made from lettuce or in the shape of cow udders instead of products made from the bodies of dead, embalmed animals.

Written by Jennifer O'Connor

Cancel your afternoon appointments and plan on getting dinner delivered because we're going shopping at Cosmo's Vegan Shoppe, which has offered up this week's "Win It" Wednesday prize—a $25 gift certificate.

After more than two decades of vegan living, I know that it's a cinch to find an animal-friendly version of any edible or wearable item that I can imagine. But browsing through Cosmo's shop, I'm blown away to discover items that I didn't know existed—vegan meatloaf? Get in my belly!

So this week's challenge is to name and link to the unique item or items that you discover at Cosmo's and tell us how you plan to use them. The person who offers up the most amazing discovery and description will win the gift certificate.

The contest ends on August 18, 2010, and we'll select the winners on August 20, 2010. Be sure to read our privacy policy and terms and conditions, as you're agreeing to both by commenting. Good luck!

Written by Karin Bennett

Earlier this week, President Obama affirmed that U.S. combat troops will leave Iraq by the end of August "as promised and on schedule." After reading this Associated Press story about a military dog who came home from Iraq "cowering and fearful," I can only hope that President Obama will commit to withdrawing canine troops right away as well. They didn't sign up, and no one can even explain to them why shells are going off and the ground is shaking.

When Gina, a 2-year-old German shepherd, was sent to Iraq to sniff out explosives, she was friendly and playful. But after months of explosions and door-to-door searches with tense soldiers, she returned home terrified of people and places. When her handlers took her into a new building, she slunk along the floor and tried to hide under furniture. Gina was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Unbelievably, Gina's handlers hope that she will recover enough to be able to resume "hazardous duty"! Sorry? What?

You can guess how many military dogs must be coming home traumatized. Humans picked this war—animals should be left out of it.

Written by Paula Moore

Victory Update: Following a year of vigorous campaigning, PETA has learned that government officials have grounded plans for a cruel and ineffective radiation experiment on monkeys. Learn more about this victory for monkeys.

But here on Earth, people aren't only listening, they're following you—on Twitter. Check out the following tweet from Astro_Sandy, aka NASA astronaut Dr. Sandra H. Magnus:

Hopefully, Dr. Magnus will avoid zoos (and, given the fishbowl reference, aquariums) entirely in the future. We also thought that she should know about some other caged animals who desperately need her help—the squirrel monkeys who are slated to be zapped with massive doses of radiation in a cruel NASA-funded experiment.

We are also sending her info on how massive amounts of radiation administered all at once cannot simulate the real conditions astronauts face in space and letting her know about the harm that will be inflicted on the monkeys (including brain damage, blindness, and cancer). In addition, we are telling her about her peers in the space exploration community who have openly criticized these misguided experiments.

Maybe Dr. Magnus will join former NASA aerospace engineer April Evans, members of Congress, and every member and supporter of PETA in objecting to this cruel and stupid experiment.

Written by Jeff Mackey

You've seen Hollywood's fugliest. Now, take a look at the Uggliest from Down Under: The proposed national costume for Miss Universe contestant Jesinta Campbell, aka Miss Australia, is making people wince.

PETA Australia has asked Campbell to abandon her plans to wear a ghastly get-up that includes a sheepskin shrug and last year's Ugg boots during the upcoming Miss Universe Pageant in Las Vegas. Unless she's lived in a cave, she has to know that most lambs in Australia are subjected to "mulesing"—a mutilation in which huge chunks of flesh are cut from lambs' backsides. And to help her out in case she sticks to her decision to wear this itchy, woolly outfit, PETA Australia is sending her what it believes is the perfect accessory for her costume: a pair of mulesing shears.

Personally, I'm optimistic that Campbell will come around to compassion. When I was her age, my most prized possession was a black leather motorcycle jacket—until I learned about how cows suffer in meat and milk factories. Just as I abandoned my leather vice to become pleather nice, Campbell can go from abominable to fauxnomenal.

Written by Karin Bennett

Conservative MP Ann Widdecombe has earned kudos from the Mozfather himself for an opinion piece in the UK's Times that blasted the killing of Canadian bears for the Queen's Guards' hats.

In a letter that ran in yesterday's Times, Morrissey wrote, "I welcome Ann Widdecombe's views on the depravity of bear-baiting in order to serve the vanities of the British Army Guards. … [T]here is no sanity in making life difficult on purpose for the Canadian brown bear, especially for Guards' hats that look absurd in the first place, and which can easily be replaced by faux versions (thanks to the visionary Stella McCartney) with no death involved."

Morrissey has made clear in no uncertain terms that he wants the Guards to switch to faux fur right away. Please, please, please help him get what he wants.

Written by Alisa Mullins

After more than a decade of scientific research, negotiations, and lobbying by PETA, PETA U.K., and other groups, the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) has approved new, non-animal testing methods for measuring skin irritation. Now, across the world, rabbits will be spared as the standard way of testing for skin irritation is switched over to high-tech modern methods. This really is a global deal: The OECD produces binding safety testing guidelines for its more than 30 member nations—including the U.S.—and represents almost all of the world's largest economies. Many countries that aren't members also follow the OECD's guidelines.

Animal-friendly methods employ in vitro toxicity screening, "skin" grown in laboratories, and computer models. While non-animal methods have been recognized for some time as valid for testing corrosivity (whether something will permanently damage the skin), these are the first methods to be recognized as effective in measuring skin irritation, thus allowing for a complete assessment of skin effects without the use of animals.

Pam is one of thousands of people who have taken action to get outdated animal testing procedures replaced with methods that rely on new technology. The bunny in her poster is a victim of the type of test that the OECD is replacing.

The methods that have just been adopted by the OECD use reconstructed human skin models that successfully reproduce the effect of chemicals on human skin and allow reliable, accurate measurements of damage in a way that applying chemicals to the shaved, raw skin of rabbits can not. Besides the pain and distress caused to the rabbits who are used in such tests, evidence considered by the OECD also included the fact that animal tests do not accurately measure whether a substance is likely to be an irritant to human skin—in other words, these methods will be better at protecting us too.

We're particularly proud that PETA U.K. played an integral role in this process. Our affiliate financially supported the rigorous scientific testing of one of the non-animal methods that were just approved, and this helped to produce the scientific evidence that led the OECD to green-light the method. And on the U.S. side of things, PETA has given more than $850,000 over the past 10 years to the development and implementation of non-animal testing methods.

Thanks to this news, tens of thousands of rabbits a year will no longer suffer in these tests. And that should make us all feel pretty good.

Written by Shawna Flavell