Whoever said having just one hamburger can't kill you obviously never considered the danger of microscopic spores—you know, those barely visible foreign pollutants that are all over animal products, even when cooked.

The latest attack of the killer meat has already killed at least six people in Ontario and has been blamed for two more illnesses. The culprit? Listeria bacteria, which apparently originated in meat products from a plant in Toronto … which just happens to be Canada's largest meatpacker.

With the total number of known cases at 29—for now—and investigators looking into another nine deaths possibly caused by contraction of listeriosis, it's understandable that eating meat is scary business. But recalling more than 220 meat products will not protect meat-eaters from contracting illnesses related to animal products.

That's where we come in. Intending to roll out our brand-new "Eat Meat and Die" ad in Toronto, we want Canadians to know that you can go veg and live! The choice is simple—really. It's senseless to put your body at risk over a hamburger or a bite of chicken thigh when you can have a veggie burger or a vegetarian "chicken" sandwich (sold in most KFCs in Canada) and avoid spending the night in the bathroom with stomach cramps—or worse, death. Check out our killer ad:

Repeat after me: Listeria, E. coli, campylobacter … if you can't pronounce it, it's probably not good for you. If you have meat in your fridge, the safest way to avoid contamination is to throw the whole fridge away with the meat still in it. We deserve a Nobel Prize or something. Really.

Written by Jennifer Cierlitsky

americanelephant / CC

It's called "adding insult to injury."

A few weeks ago, we told you about an awful thing that happened on a new TV show called Greatest American Dog. It featured a sweet border collie named Leroy who was tormented by his trainer during a photo shoot so that he would look "angry." 'Cuz, you know, that's what quality entertainment is all about, right?

Well, unlike dogs, some people never learn. Wednesday night's episode featured a live elephant. Why elephants on a show called Greatest American Dog, you ask? They used the elephants to try to terrify the dogs. Since, apparently, the only thing more fun than getting dogs angry is to scare the hell out of them. Ugh!

Of course, it's not exactly a party for the elephants either. They're smart and dignified, and they don't like to perform stupid tricks for our amusement. So instead of using treats to train elephants, trainers strike and gouge them with bullhooks—long, heavy rods with a steel point and a sharp hook at one end that resembles a fireplace poker—or shock them with electric prods. To see for yourself how elephants are trained, watch this.

Most elephants who are forced to perform were snatched away from their families and natural habitat in the wild, after which their lives are mostly made up of chains and intimidation. Baby elephants born on breeding farms are torn from their mothers, tied with ropes, and kept in isolation until they learn to fear their trainers.

Clearly the producers of Greatest American Dog know as little about elephants as they do about canines.

If you want to send an e-mail to the show's producer, R.J. Cutler, about this issue, please click here.

Written by Jeff Mackey

From the category of "When Animals Fight Back!" comes a news story from Venezuela: A 29-year-old student zookeeper was strangled by a 10-foot python. It seems that the intern was working the nightshift and decided to mess around with the snake, who then bit him, suffocated him, and tried to eat him—a sensible interaction if you are a python.

i190 / CC

Now, I'm certainly not saying that this guy deserved to be digested by a giant snake (although some might argue that taking a dangerous snake out without permission or supervision might earn him a nomination for a Darwin Award). What I am saying is that the killing of one human being by one snake in an isolated incident is instant news (just Google it for proof), but the killing of snakes by humans every day—to make Eva Longoria's gauche python handbag or Jessica Simpson's hideous tote—goes unnoticed.

And what's more, the python was just doing what pythons do, on instinct. He saw prey, so he went into his strangle-and-swallow routine. You can't possibly tell me that humans have a slaughter-and-make-into-purses instinct, can you? The python got beaten by the way, unlike Jessica Simpson, whom we just make fun of.

Let me hypothesize here. Maybe, just maybe, people are so fascinated by this kind of news story because they feel guilty for all the human-on-animal atrocities, and when something like this happens … well, maybe it's a sign that sometimes the tables are turned, and it scares us.

Do you get what we mean now when we say that "payback is hell"?

Written by Amanda Schinke

San Diego recently got a special treat—in the form of three fishy PETA activists. The three ladies, wearing silver body-paint and little else, posed under a net just blocks away from the harbor. Their message: "Scale Back Cruelty: Stop Fishing."

Our activists could breathe as they lay under a net in the hot sun, but fish aren't so lucky. Fish caught in commercial gill nets suffocate or slowly freeze to death as they are tossed alive into large freezers. One fact that most people might not know is that fish are equal to dogs, cats, and all other animals in their capacity to feel pain. Plus, there have been more than 500 research papers on fish intelligence, proving that fish are smart, that they can use tools, and that they have impressive long-term memories and sophisticated social structures.

Our fish ladies got a lot of attention in San Diego—and hopefully, a lot of people will think twice before their next fish fry. Check out pics of their great demo:

Written by Amanda Schinke