chicagopublicradio / CC

This is one of those bizarre stories that could easily stump the panel on a "Wait, Wait … Don't Tell Me!" pick-the-fake-news-story segment.

On Wednesday night, the Illinois Department of Natural Resources dumped 2,200 gallons of deadly poison into a 5.7-mile stretch of a canal in order to prevent Asian carp from escaping the canal and entering Lake Michigan while an electronic barrier was turned off for servicing. They poisoned every single fish in the Chicago Sanitary and Ship Canal with Rotenone, which kills fish by depleting oxygen from their blood and causes them to float to the surface of the water, where they gasp for air as they slowly suffocate.

Tens of thousands of animals lost their lives in order to kill a few carp who they thought might be in the waterway. So far, a lone carp has been found among the carnage. At a price tag of somewhere around $3 million, that has to make him or her the most expensive dead carp in history.

Asian carp, who consume nearly half their body weight in plankton every day, were originally imported in the 1970s to clean aquaculture and wastewater treatment facilities' retention ponds. Flooding throughout the 1990s allowed the fish to escape into the Mississippi River, which is connected to the Great Lakes through a series of rivers and canals. If the fish reach the Great Lakes, it is feared that they will crowd out other species of fish and threaten the lucrative sport and commercial fishing industries.

In other words, this is a manmade threat to manmade industries that carp and other fish are paying for with their lives.

I know what you're thinking: Surely they would only kill thousands of animals if there were no alternative? But you would be mistaken. The fish could have been kept at bay with sonic and light deterrents or by simply closing the locks while the barrier is down. But the latter would have caused shipping delays, and we can't have that.

We understand that a plan for a back-up barrier is in the works, which is great—it just would have been nice if they'd thought of that a little sooner, before killing tens of thousands of animals and threatening the lives of other animals and humans who may inadvertently come into contact with the toxic stew they have created.

Written by Alisa Mullins

Gaga's fashion-driven stunts are a feast for the imagination. The avant-garde, synth-pop superstar left me reeling after her spectacularly maniacal, glass-shattering AMA performance and the light-up get-up she rocked during it. I've had her new album on repeat ever since, and with the news that the polar bear coat Lady Gaga sets fire to in her epically trippy video for "Bad Romance" is cruelty-free (I was a bit concerned!), her tracks will forever dominate my shuffle. Fabulously faux, the coat was made by fur-free fashion designer Benjamin Cho in 2004 and was revamped specially for Gaga's video.

From her Kermit-crazy anti-fur commentary to the humane hotness of her "Bad Romance" video, Gaga's kooky couture makes the chart-topper a style genius and a kind role model, which is why we've asked her to take it all off to educate people about animals killed on fur farms. We're still waiting for her response, but we've already got some awesome ideas. Post-apocalyptic disco dreamscape, anyone?

Written by Logan Scherer

guardian.co.uk / CC

Benson, a giant carp and a celebrity of sorts in Britain, has died. Angling fanatics are blaming her death on nuts, and so are we. But we aren't talking about peanuts, cashews, or pistachios—we are blaming the hordes of unhinged humans who hurt her for "fun."

It is estimated that during Benson's lifetime, she was painfully hooked and dragged from her aquatic home more than 60 times—that's right, six-zero—so that anglers could pose for a photo and then fling her back into the water.

Isn't it logical to believe that the pain and stress that she suffered over and over …

(and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over)

… again for anglers' so-called "sport" were contributing factors in her death? Why yes, it is.

As our friends over at PETA Europe told BBC News, "If common sense isn't enough, the science is clear: Being repeatedly impaled with a hook and yanked into an environment in which fish cannot breathe, like Benson [was], undeniably causes distress [and] pain and can lead to infections. Even simply handling or netting fish can abrade their protective coating and lead to death."

I'd say that pretty much sums it up, wouldn't you?

Written by Karin Bennett