Deflocked, baby. Deflocked.

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Now I’m sure there are a bunch of things that Ayumu would prefer to be doing than playing a computer game with an accountant from Derby (such as, like, being a normal chimpanzee), but the widely reported story does show, yet again, just how intelligent primates are, and just how overwhelmingly hideous it is that it’s still legal to throw them in cages, pump them full of drugs, and dispose of them once we’ve gotten what we wanted out of them. I’m thinking specifically of you guys right now, Covance.

Not to be a total downer or anything, but here’s hoping that this story at least helps a few more people to make that connection.

Alright people, fun’s over. You had your day with Joel talking about soy nog and “smiles”. Now it’s time to get back to work. Today we will be going over the finer points of whether a coherent liberationist ethic can be constructed from strictly utilitarian arguments (or whether some sort of deontological consequentialism is necessary to round out the debate), and throughout next week, I will be doing a series on recent addenda to the Humane Methods of Livestock Slaughter Act. There will be a quiz on Friday to make sure everyone takes it all in.

Now, here’s a picture of the serious work I was doing yesterday while Joel was goofing off back at the office. We spent the afternoon outside the British Embassy in DC to remind the British Ministry of Defense that the “world is watching” while they continue to needlessly slaughter black bears for their ceremonial hats. Apparently this required that we remove all of our clothes and paint our naked bodies like flags. Hey, I just do what I’m told. The demonstration was a blast—we met some great activists, some friendly photographers, and some very bewildered passersby, and I think the pictures came out really well. Check em out.

A bunch of flags

Here’s a blog that I’ve been pushing Amy at our VegCooking blog to write since the idea of having a PETA food blog was still in its infancy. Amy, however, is against processed foods. I’ve been hoping Amy would go on vacation, or be sick, or something so that I could fill in for her on her blog, but I’ll have to settle for posting on The PETA Files while Jack is out.

This is a blog to spotlight the glory of McCain’s SMILES fries. According to McCain’s web site, “Mealtime is fun time with McCain SMILES® Fun Shaped Potatoes. Everyone enjoys these fun shaped potatoes that add fun and excitement to everyone’s meal!” And you know what—they aren’t lying! Sure, I love French fries as much as the next guy, but there’s just no denying that SMILES fries are like French fries deep fried in fun.

SMILES, like basically all fries, are vegan and that’s how I’m justifying writing about them on PETA’s blog. Take that, Amy!

Another food I really like is Vans’ vegan waffles.

- Joel Bartlett

P.S. Feel free to comment about how you think I’m a better blogger than Jack and Amy.

P.P.S. Don’t worry Amy, when you’re out someday I’ll post SMILES recipes on the VegCooking Blog.

I’m going to be in DC tomorrow, standing naked outside the British embassy painted like a British flag along with PETA members from seven other nations who will be reminding Britain that the “world is watching” while the nation condones the cruel slaughter of black bears for the Queen’s Guards’ silly ceremonial hats. Embarrassing as all this is for me, the real purpose of this post is to say that the PETA Files will be in the capable hands of my good friend Joel Bartlett during my absence tomorrow, so please treat him nice and try to bear with him if he goes off on long tangents about Star Trek or Buffy the Vampire Slayer (as he occasionally has a tendency to do).

And yes—I have a weird job. Wish me luck!

Joel Bartlett