Written by PETA
According to Google Insights, searches for "human breast milk" skyrocketed in the last month. Searches for "breast milk recipes" have also more than doubled. (See the graphs below for more details.)
Never to miss an opportunity—especially during these tough economic times—PETA has decided to create a human-breast-milk cookbook, with all profits going directly to PETA's "Dump Dairy" campaign. In between recipes, you'll be able to read about how cow's milk has been linked to zits, mucus build-up, and flatulence. We'll also include full-color pictures of veal calves who miss their mommies. All we need now are the recipes!
Please share your human-breast-milk recipes by commenting below. (Note: Aside from the breast milk, all recipes must be strictly vegan.) We're looking for desserts, snacks, main courses, etc! Let us know how you'd like us to credit you if your recipe makes the cut.
We're planning to launch the book guerilla-marketing style. Click here if you'd like more information about our Cookbook Street Team.
Exhibit A: Graph of Searches for 'Breast Milk Recipes'
Exhibit B: Graph of Searches for 'Human Breast Milk'
Written by Joel Bartlett
P.S. This entire post is a joke, but given our history, it's understandable if you didn't get that.
So, last month we sent off a letter to Ben & Jerry's to urge the ice cream giant to drop cow's milk from its menu and start churning out recipes that use the only milk intended for human consumption—breast milk. It's a pretty simple concept to grasp. I mean, you don't see doctors taking newborn babes from their mothers' arms and suckling them up to a cow in a "drinking room" next to the infants ward. C'mon! That's absurd. Really.
Our letter to the company has garnered so much attention—and by that I mean impossible-to-walk-down-the-street-without-someone-asking-questions sort of attention—that stories about breast milk have been popping up everywhere! Not that we like to brag—OK, we love it!—but I do think our buxom beaut of an idea got the ball rolling.
Whether it's Angelina Jolie breast-feeding for a W magazine cover, the illegal duplication of breastfeeding pictures of Jamie Lynn Spears (which has prompted a federal pornography investigation), or—my personal favorite—the guy-next-door who sells his wife's breast milk for money (these are hard times, folks), stories about breast milk are spreading through the newspapers like a wildfire!
Of course, one of our favorite writings about breast milk appears in PETA President Ingrid E. Newkirk's newest book, One Can Make a Difference. Check it out: An entire chapter in the book focuses on how human breast milk is better for babies than cow's milk is: A pediatrician in India in the 80s found that if she urged people to switch from formula and animal's milk to human breast milk (she even started a human-breast-milk bank!), she could reduce incidences of diarrhea—which were leading to deaths! Deadly diarrhea—do you really think that does a body good? Neither do we.
Written by Jennifer Cierlitsky
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Almost all of us grew up eating meat, wearing leather, and going to circuses and zoos. We never considered the impact of these actions on the animals involved. For whatever reason, you are now asking the question: Why should animals have rights? Read more.