Last year's McDonald's Thanksgiving Parade in Chicago was chock-full of behemoth balloon characters and live entertainment (was that the cast of Jersey Boys I saw serenading their way down State Street?), but something was missing …

Wait, I know! Where was the killer clown? Considering that McDonald's refuses to adopt controlled-atmosphere killing (CAK)—the less cruel slaughter method that would spare birds from having their throats cut while they're still conscious and from being scalded alive—no parade sponsored by the fast-food fiend would be complete without a bloodstained float full of terrified birds being butchered by "Raging Ronnie," the grand marshal of gore. That's why we recently submitted a request to sponsor the following float in this year's parade:

This float idea? I'm totally lovin' it. No word yet on what the parade organizers think. While we're waiting for an answer, tell us about an animal rights–themed float that you would like to see in a major parade …

Written by Amy Elizabeth

How would you react if you learned that your father was Charles Manson?

loyalkng / CC

DJ Matthew Roberts was adopted as an infant. When he recently found out that his biological father is the infamous criminal, he made it very clear that he's nothing like his old man:

"My hero is Gandhi," said Roberts. "I'm an extremely nonviolent, peaceful person and a vegetarian. I don't even kill bugs."

By not eating meat, Roberts is saving the lives of more than 100 animals each year. File this one under "sometimes the apple does fall far from the tree."

Written by Logan Scherer