Sorry to burst happy bubbles everywhere, but here's the downer: Viagra is not always effective. Up to 40 percent of men who take Viagra report no result at all. We firmly believe that no one should have to live an unsatisfying life. If you're looking for a good time in the bedroom, you can improve your satisfaction tenfold by making a few simple changes in the kitchen.

Obesity, diabetes, high cholesterol, prostate cancer, and hormonal imbalances are just some of the health problems that cause male impotency. Ditching artery-clogging meat and dairy products—and eating a diet rich in leafy greens, fruits, and grains—will lift your mood, get you back into action, and get your blood pumping to all the right locations.

So whether you're a wannabe manly man or a wannabe Mata Hari, pick up a banana and put down the prescription pills. Vegetarians do make better lovers. And you know what else we make? Some pretty darn cool ads! Here are PETA's top 10 impotence ads:

10. A Vegetarian Lover Gives You Something to Wake Up For—Last night was great, but there's nothing like rekindling the fire with some morning wood.

9. Rude Food—Nothing compares to hooking up with a really, really hot dish …

8. Santa's Not Coming This Christmas—Ho, ho—oh no! "Jolly St. Nick" can't get his jollies 'cuz milk's made his mojo a no-go.

7. Kevin Eubanks Vegetarian Testimonial—The juicy confessional of a former "World's Sexiest Vegetarian"

6. I Threw a Party but the Meat-Eaters Couldn't Come—Leaving a beautiful girl in a red-white-and-blue bikini standing there holding a limp sausage? Well, that's just un-American!

5. Tofu Wrestling—Everyone knows that ladies love extra-firm soy and extra-firm boys. Here's proof that tofu is so freakin' cool that bikini-clad beauties will wrestle over it in a kiddy pool.

4. Three Stages of a Wiener—Three more reasons to skip the wieners for a watermelon salad

3. PETA's Make-Out Tour—Who can turn away from a sexy couple engaged in some passionate PDA on the pavement? Plus, it's got a much better soundtrack than that annoying "Viva Viagra" song.

2. Eating Meat Got You Down?—It takes a "stiff" competitor to bed a babe. There's nothing sadder than when a guy realizes he just can't keep up with the "Johnsons" anymore.

1. Sexy Sausage Ad (Director's Cut)—In a business where talent is measured in inches, what's a porn director to do when his meat-head star goes soft? Luckily, a hot vegan guy shows up to turn this Super Bowl party into a sausage fest.

Posted by Jennifer Cierlitsky

OK, there are tons of perks when it comes to working for PETA. I'm talking cool coworkers, a kick-ass cause, a vegan vending machine, and a multi-office building with lots and lots of windows overlooking the Elizabeth River. But as is often the case, every perk comes with a price. And I'm not just talking about the small fortune I've invested in Twizzlers (I wish I could quit you, vending machine!). I'm talking about having HUGE windows. Honestly, we love birds, but we really, really don't want them to literally crash our meetings.

You see, we PETA folks like our views, but unlike a lot of other offices, we also care about how our feathered friends view us. Luckily, some of those cool coworkers I was bragging about earlier have come up with some pretty tight tactics to keep birds from colliding with windows, and we urge you to implement them not only at home (if there's a problem there) but also at work (if there's a problem there):

1. Play detective. Are there certain windows in your home or office that attract more collisions than others? A little detective work goes a long way in helping you determine which windows to focus on.

3. Decorate with decals. We highly recommend clear decals that reflect ultraviolet light, which is visible to birds and allows them to steer clear and stay safe. If you're more of a DIYer, bust out some "MacGyver" ingenuity and use tape, adhesive film, or other items on your windows to make them more visible.

4. Explore all your options! Look for ways to cover the maximum amount of surface area outside your window. We went with window tinting after putting interns on our balconies with glow sticks didn't pan out (they left work and went dancing instead).

5. Avoid a "dine and crash" situation. Place birdfeeders and nest boxes at least 30 feet away from windows or within 2 to 3 feet of them.

6. Help our feathered friends. If you find a bird who is dazed and confused (face it, we've all been there), put some gloves on and place the bird somewhere safe and quiet to recover for an hour or two. According to our wildlife expert extraordinaire Tori, they can normally be cleared for takeoff after a brief rest and quick eval.

7. Be prepared if the birdie doesn't bounce back. If your patient requires more medical attention, call animal control (have the number handy BEFORE something happens, and know what action to take for after-hours emergencies). If animal control can't help, they should be able to refer you to a wildlife center, rehabber, or veterinarian who can. And remember, it's illegal in most states to try to rehab a wild animal yourself, so you MUST take him or her to one of these places.

Posted by Amy Elizabeth

OK, not quite. Actually, the International Cannes Film Festival is already over, for those of you not on the up and up with film awards. What I'm talking about here is the Cannes Lions International Advertising Festival, where two—yes, count 'em, two—of PETA's PSAs have made the short list for public service messages. Ladies and gentlemen, may we introduce "Buy One, Get One Killed" and "Sex Talk"!

All right, so the videos have been around for a few months now, but they're definitely worth watching for a second, third, or 37th time, because, well, they're just that amazing.

This is a huge honor, and we're pleased and proud that both videos are receiving the recognition that they deserve and that spay/neuter advocacy is receiving the spotlight that it so desperately needs.

The animal overpopulation crisis is a growing problem and will only continue to grow if guardians don't do the responsible thing and practice animal birth control for their companion's health and happiness.

Now, about conquering that other film festival. ... Hey, there's always next year ....

The title says it all really. The country sensation took her rightful place alongside country’s biggest stars this week in the Country Music Hall of Fame. Congratulations, Emmylou, for this well-deserved honor, and thanks again for everything that you do for animals.

Update: Click here to read PETA President Ingrid Newkirk’s Op-Ed in The Virginian Pilot about why PETA brought Vick into the office.

Contrary to recent news reports, there is absolutely no agreement with Michael Vick to appear in a PETA public service announcement. However, we are in discussion with his representatives to do a PSA that would take the issue of dogfighting head on, dogfighter to dogfighter. But it would be under the strictest of guidelines. The script we discussed was:

If Vick were to do this, we would be very pleased. Short of that, it’s not happening. But what do you think? Should Michael Vick do a PSA directed at potential dogfighters to send the message that if you fight dogs, you will lose everything?

In 2006, a whistleblower at Vanderbilt University tipped PETA off to reports that a Vanderbilt experimenter named Jeffrey D. Schall was performing brain surgery on unanesthetized macaque monkeys. The whistleblower also forwarded us an email that had been sent to the department that included what was essentially a friendly reminder to researchers not to forget about anesthesia before drilling into these terrified animals' heads.

Vanderbilt has been on our radar for a long time, and Schall has long been known in the animal protection community as one of the most vile torturers in the business. In 2005, Vanderbilt was cited for 13 violations of the Animal Welfare Act, and Schall was suspended for a month after performing an unauthorized surgery and withholding water from a monkey. One monkey, called Lil' Wayne, died after seven days without anything to drink. In a separate incident, Schall threatened an animal care technician for reporting to the university veterinarian that an animal's collar had become entangled with the bottom bars of the cage, where he had become trapped.

We have been working for some time now to expose Vanderbilt's abysmal animal welfare record, and I will keep you updated as this case progresses. In the meantime, please take a moment to contact Vanderbilt Chancellor Nicholas S. Zeppos at this e-mail address to request that Schall be be asked to resign. It won't solve all the problems at Vanderbilt, but it’d be a start.

Click here to read more about this case in Vanderbilt's paper.

Sportinglife/Creative Commons

So now that you know that I love Wimbledon—and Amelie Mauresmo—more than is healthy for any man, I guess you know what I’ll be doing this weekend. And one of the high points for me is always the fact that John McEnroe is the commentator. The guy had an amazing career as a player and now brings perfect balance and a nice edge to his coverage of the genteel sport of tennis. It’s just plain fun to listen to the man.

IMGSpeakers/Creative Commons

And in case you haven’t seen it, McEnroe starred in this amazing spay/neuter PSA for us. I think he’s perfect in it.

So yeah, don’t call me on Sunday afternoon. I’ll be watching my girl Amelie kick ass and listening to McEnroe talk about it.

As the Michael Moore juggernaut continues unabated, I thought it might be nice to take a quick breather and check out some of the amazing work that PETA India has been doing this week, which, because it's not quite so sensational, probably won't be getting the attention it deserves. Animal Rahat is a program that works closely with PETA India to bring relief to working bullocks, donkeys, ponies, and horses in India by giving them the rest, drinking water, and veterinary care that they so desperately need.

The sad situation for most working animals in India is that the people who use them simply can't afford to ever give them a day off, let alone veterinary care, and the reports and pictures that we get from India about these animals' lives and deaths are heartbreaking.

Which is why it's always so great to get photos like these, from the team at Animal Rahat, who spent last weekend fixing water troughs in a local square near their facilities.

If you'd like to sponsor a working donkey, buffalo, bullock, or pony in India through Animal Rahat, you can learn more here.

A little while back, I wrote about the worldwide competition that the Young Guns ad agency held for people in the advertising industry to make a new PETA PSA. The official winner of that contest was "Your Parents Do It: Don't Block It Out", a brilliant idea put together by the BBDO Agency in Montréal. But over the past few weeks, we've been tallying up votes from our "People's Choice" portion of the contest, and the winner has just been announced. I like that they picked a chicken for this one, because these birds (who aren't even protected by the same inadequate anti-cruelty laws that apply to other farmed animals) have pretty much the roughest deal of any animal on the planet. The ad really speaks volumes, in a darkly humorous sort of way. Check it out—and, if you haven't already, you can see all the runners-up here.

Man, PETA Europe gets around. It seems like every day I’m seeing clips of their demonstrations in some far away land. Check out this coverage of a Burberry protest they held yesterday in Moscow. Admittedly, the article would be much more entertaining and informative if I could read Russian, but I still love it because it’s just so cool to sit here in Virginia and think about all the things people are doing to help animals all over the world. Animal rights has truly gone global, and that, friends, is exciting . . . innit?