After making comments implying that Dancing With the Stars contestant Kirstie Alley was a pig, George Lopez tried to apologize, saying that he "misjudged the joke." Kirstie wasn't buying the too-little, too-late act. Well Kirstie, we would have rejected the apology too, and here's why:  

• Even though they can't shake it on the dance floor like you can, pigs enjoy listening to music. ("The Big Pig Song" is rumored to be a favorite.)
• Pigs have outstanding long-term memories, which means that soon they might be the only ones who remember a certain "misjudged" joke.
• Pigs love to be fresh and clean and enjoy taking baths. And they don't sweat at all. If I had that ability, my time in the gym would be a lot more pleasant.
• Pigs have many similarities to dogs, including their ability to learn names and perform tricks, such as sitting for a treat. When was the last time that someone insulted you by comparing you to a smart dog? ("You border collie!")
• Pigs are social, playful, and protective of each other. Hmm, do we see a lesson here?  

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Written by Michelle Sherrow

Why has Cheers star Kirstie Alley packed on 83 pounds after her widely publicized diet as a spokesperson for Jenny Craig in 2007?

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She told People magazine, "A vegetarian would probably be eating vegetables. But to me being a vegetarian meant I'm going to eat enchiladas with no meat, and I'm going to eat lots of bread, lots of carbs."

Hey, Kirstie: put the slimy, butter-slicked fork down! Vegans are, on average, 10 to 20 pounds lighter than meat-eaters are, so we promise you'll see results!

If Nia Vardalos can drop 40 pounds by kicking cheese, Kirstie surely would slim down if she said, "Bye, bye, butter!" and gave vegan fare a shot. To help her in this endeavor, a copy of Skinny Bitch is on its way to her, courtesy of PETA.

Written by Karin Bennett