“What DO you eat then—bean sprouts?”
“What don’t I eat? I eat Indian curries, Chinese stir-fries, spaghetti with marinara sauce and faux meatballs, vegetable fajitas, spinach lasagna with tofu ricotta, pancakes and soy sausage, nondairy ice cream sundaes—If you come to my place for dinner, you’ll be scrambling for seconds.”

“Can’t you eat the stuffing? It was only cooked inside the turkey—there’s no meat in it.”
“Thanks, but that’s like asking a nonsmoker to ride from Duluth to Daytona in a car with three ‘Marlboro Men.’”

“There’s no meat in the gravy—and the salad only has a little bit of cheese.”
“Thanks, but I’ll pass. Just like meat, gravy’s made with blood—more fit for burying than putting into my mouth. And a little bit of cheese means a whole lot of suffering—for dairy cows whose babies are torn away from them and sent to veal factory farms.”

“Turkeys are bred for the holidays. Can’t you eat some just on this one special day?”
“Not contributing to suffering and death is special to me. Next year, not buying a turkey would make it extra special for the birds, the Earth and everyone’s health, too.”

“This leather purse is for you, but don’t worry. Since I’m the one who bought it, you’re not supporting the industry!”
“Thanks for thinking of me, but I always think about the animals when it comes to fashion. With so many amazing nonleather options, I don’t want or need to wear animal skins—or send the message to others that I like to. Come with me when I return it and see all the cool, cruelty-free options.”

“How can you eat that fake turkey? It looks gross and weird.”
“What’s grosser and weirder than sticking pieces of a decapitated, decomposing bird into your mouth?”

“What about the poor carrots’ feelings?”
“It’s doubtful that plants feel pain, but there’s no question that animals do. They all struggle against their slaughter, and they all have terror in their eyes just before they’re killed. But if you want to skip the carrots also, I respect your regard for roots.”

It’s rude not to eat the food that Grandma spent all day cooking.”
“I explained to Grandma weeks ago that I don’t eat animals. She’s not taking it personally—in fact, she says she can’t wait to try the dishes that I brought.”